*

*

* So far St. Chryfoftome. Tome 4. Pagina, 119. In writing down the above Learned Quotation, I had (you muft understand) two Doubts arofe in my Mind. The First was, whether my Compofitor had any Greek Types; and the Second was; fuppofing he had, whether my Reader would understand them.

I foliloquized with myself thus; after the Manner of the Immortal Shakespear.

"To have, or not to have, that is the Question".

For (thought I), If my Compofitor has these Types, and my Reader is not capable of comprehending them, there is fo much good Greek thrown away. Again, faid I to myfelf. (for I had a Mind to go to the Bottom of the Affair) fuppofing my learned Reader understands these Potbook Characters; yet, if my Compofitor has them not; it comes to the fame Point. Moreover, put the Cafe, that neither my Reader nor my Compofitor are capable of the Tafk?-Why, in that Cafe all is thrown away. However, to take the Argument by all its Handles, and View it in every Point of Light.Suppofing my Compositor borrows a neat Greek Type from the Printers of one of the Univerfities; as I dare fay, either of them can very well fpare them. Admit likewife, that my kind Customers are (to use the Language of the Law) All and Every one of them, as well verfed in the Language of Ancient Grecce as our modern Scolds are in the Language of Billingsgate, yet the Sublimity of that divine Quotation would cnly make them with for more: Grant them more-they'll want more ftill, and as I am confined to three Sheets of Paper; the more they have of St. Chryfoftome, the lefs they will have of Poor Robin. So I thought it the wifeft Way to refer the learned Part of my kind Readers to the Book itself; and as for the others, I fuppofed this Method would be equally useful. Thus, while I fatisfied my Scruples in a Matter of fuch Confequence by the moft nice Logical Reafoning, I at the fame Time had an Opportunity of exhibiting to the World a notable Sample of my own Sagacity and deep Penetration.

Befides, none but. Hackney Horfes, and thofe ftupid kind of Affes, the Hackney Writers, choofe always to go in the old beaten Path. True Genius is always ftriking out a fresh Line. Any Blockhead may begin with, Worthy Reader, Courtcous Reader; if he be in a canting Strain, or in the Preface to a Paftoral with Gentle Reader; but none but Poor Robin'ever thought of beginning a Preface with

*

*

*

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*

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*

So far St. Chryfoftome. Tome 4. Pagina, 119.

A 2

Now

Now as nothing in thefe Days of Sapience in which we now live, fells fo well as a Thing that is new and out of the common Road, which indeed may command almost any price; fo I heartily pray that my good Mafters the Worshipful Company of Stationers may never fee this Preface of mine till the Whole is printed off; and [Price 9d. ftitched.] appears at the Bottom; left taking the Advantage of my wonderful Sagacity in Preface Writing; they should be tempted to the Threepenny Dif advantage of all my kind and loving Cuftomers to conclude the Title Page as follows:

Printed for the Company of STATIONERS: And fold by R. HORSFIELD at their Hall in Ludgate-Street, [PRICE ONE SHILLING.]

not my

I could fay much more upon this delectable Subject; did well known Modesty forbid me; left I should be thought any Way pompous. So without any further Ceremony, or any Dedication to any Lord or Nobleman whatever; whether it be Lord Log; Baron Beetle; the Marquis of Mapleton; Sir Anthony Afh; Sir Timothy Timberhead; Sir Christopher Crabtree; Sir Solomon Sapfcull, &c. &c. &c. nor to any Lady of what Rank or Dignity foever: Whether it be the Dutchefs of Devilhip; the Countess of Cuckoldom, the Lady Loverule, &c. &c. &c. or any Lady whatever, not excepting my own Lady; who taking her Virtues and Vices all into one Sum or Aggregate, (as the Arithmeticians call it) I take to be a Match for them all put together.-Neglecting all thefe I fay, and looking upon the first as a Wooden Affair, and the laft as Women's Matters; I decline all Dedication whatever. So defirous to blend the Dulce with the Utile, in the best Way and Manner I poffibly can, I once more begin my

PREFA C E.

I had juft written the above inferted, when in came my good old Friend and Fellow. Labourer in the Republic of Letters, Mr. Index; he had been to fee how a Gentleman of our Order went on, who was employed to write a Hiftory of the World; and in Order that his Studies might not be interrupted, his generous Patron had fixed him in an excellent Bacon Country at an odd Houfe upon a wide Common'; and paid for his eating and Lodging not lefs than Three Shillings and Sixpence per Week. Moreover, the faid Gentleman, that is the Bookfeller his Employer, of his great Generofity allows him Eighteen Pence per Week extra, merely for the Trifles of Drink, Snuff, Tabacco, Pipes, Washing, Clothes, &c. and that he may appear like a Scholar, he has a Cartload of Books I do affure you fent down upon the Subject; and fo he picks and chooses as his Judgment direct. Gods fpeed him, faid I: f

give

give him Joy; I with all Authors were as well provided for as him. True Sir Robert, fays my Friend Index; I will give you a Story if you pleafe. He had juft gotupon the Threthold of his Story, and spread out his Arm as if he was going to knock at the Door of my Attention; when cafting his Eye upon the Beginning of my Preface, he faid in furprize, Pray Sir Robert, have you got the whole Works of that great Man: he was a furprizing Man. He was indeed, faid I.-What Patience faid Index that great Man must have had, to have wrote fo much.-More, replied I, than ever his Purchasers had to read it.-Oh! fays he, that Man is useful now he is Dead.That I am an Evidence to, quoth my dear Lady, for the Man we buy our Groceries of has lapt up his Sugar, his Tobacco, his Tea, his Snuff, his Soap, his Candles, &c. &c. in nothing elfe for this half Year. We have had two or three Score of his Leaves, which, when my Husband has read over, we put them into an old Box, and take them out as we want them; I am fure when our little Jacob was troubled with a violent Lax, I fhould not have known what to have done without them; but come, Sir, I will fhew you another Ufe; fit you down and take a Pipe of my Hufband's Tabacco, while I fetch you one of his Leaves to light it with.

I thought it was prettily laid of my Wife.-Index thought otherwife; He refufed the kind Offer; he figned, he thaked his Head, and fpoke thus.Alas! what will this wicked World come to at laft; how degenerate muft the prefent Age be, when fo grave, fo learned, fo pious, fo great a Pillar of the Church, as St. Chryfoftome was in his Day, shall have his learned Labours so neglected, and his divine Documents applied to fuch base Purposes. What then, faid my Lady, he wrote Divinity.-Undoubtedly, fays Index.-Good faith I thought fo, fays fhe, by the Cheapnefs of it. Why an Ounce of Roderick Random is worth a Pound of it, and a Chapter of Triftram Shandy will buy you a Cartload; nay, I have even feen a Poor Robin lapt up in a Piece of an old Sermon.--All this he readily complied with; nor did he feem to regret any Thing but the Neglect of the Holy Father St. Chryfoftome. I was fomewhat perplexed at this Humour of his at the first : but afterwards found that he had formerly wafted a good Deal of his Time in writing of Latin Annotations to that Father's Works; and fhrewdly concluded, that if the Text was neglected, what a plague must become of his Marginal Notes.

I made however a trifling Apology; faying that the smallAttention paid in the prefent Age to the Claffics made Greek and Latin neglected, and that Homer and Virgil as well as St. Chryfoftome feemed at this Day to be fairly divided between the Universities and the Pastry Cooks; that in the days of Oliver Cromwell, when a heavy Head bespoke a heavenly Difpofition, and Impudence combined with Ignorance was a fure Mark of

Infpira

Infpiration. While the biggeft Rogues made the biggeft Noife about Regeneration, and the Holy Ghoft was always fuppofed to fpeak with a Twang through the Nofe; fuch Heaps of Nonfenfe in the Divinity Line came forth daily as has given the Nation a Surfeit ever fince. But come, my dear Friends, faid I, fit down. He was about to reach a Chair when my Wife starting up cried out in a hurry.-Stay, Sir, that Chair is rotten; I will fetch you a good strong threefooted Stool out of our best Parlour.-Beft Parlour, faid I to myfelf: Good Lord! how eafy it is to fpeak the Truth.-Well may it be the best Parlour, when we have but one.

While my Wife was gone, Mr. Index took the Advantage to fay fome civil Things about her.-Now My LORD, or YOUR GRACE, or whatever may be your Title; Your Worfhip knows very well, that every Body loves to hear his own Things commended; efpecially, if it be a Thing that he par ticularly likes.Such was the Cafe with me.-Your Lady, Sir Robert (says Index), appears a fine Woman; I read in her Countenance and in her Manner fo much good natured Taciturnity, as would put audacious Loquacity to the Blush.

Heaven blefs her Soul, faid I, and blifter the Body of him that does not fay Amen to it.-Mafter Index, I will tell you what-During Seven-and-Thirty Years Cohabitation together, from the Time he went to fleep to the Time she awoke, never has that dear Woman given me an angry Word, excepting now and then in a Dream.-Amazing, quoth Index.My Wife came in. Now, from where I faid-He was about to reach a Chair, to those last Words my Wife came in, I would have you to look upon as a very beautiful Digreffion: neither a Line too long, nor a Syllable too short, as the Narrative is natural, very properly placed, and gives Index an Opportunity to form a Reply to my Apology; which he did in Manner following. Your Obfervation, faid he, however truly it may picture out thofe Days of Folly and Enthufiam, methinks will by no Means fuit Holders forth of the prefent Age, who from Hervey's Meditations, the Beauties of Wesley, and other Books of that Sort, have not only mended their Language, but even fome of them have at least endeavoured at Method,

I was going to return an Answer, when my Wife's Jaw (which is a devilish deal nimbler than mine), opened first, and took the Words out of my Mouth.Method? quoth the-Pray,. Hufband, repeat that Sermon you heard in your laft Stroll.. I mean Excurfion. By all Means, fays Index. I begun.

Now, Gentle Reader, don't call this an idle Romance of my cwn Brain; I do folemnly affure you, it is an absolute Fact. I begun thus: In a large Town in a midland Country, where I slept that Evening, as I was journeying towards the Metropolis; understanding that there was to be a Lecture, at a

Cons

Conventicle, not far from myLodging, Curiofity led me to go. On my Entrance, the Text was just taken; whether out of the Old Teftament, or the New Teftament, or no Teftament at all, it matters nota Farthing, as it only ferved to lug in the Difcourfe which was as follows:- The Preacher, after having fully displayed the Whites of his Eyes to his Congregation, and turned the Pupil backward, as if he was looking down his Throat for inward Lights, declared to his gaping Audience, that he was going to hold forth the Bleffed Redeemer, as a Friend to all; but, efpecially to his Saints. And in Order to do it methodically, he refolved to do it alphabatically; fo he immediately fell foul upon Great A. I will not trouble you with his curious Remarks upon each Letter; but only obferve, that in A Chrift was an allfufficient Friend; in B he was a bountiful Friend; in C he was a conftant one, and a divine one in D; he was an everlasting Friend in E, while Fftood for a faithful Friend, and G for a gracious one. In H he was a heavenly Friend, while in I and J he was not only an innocent Friend, but also a just one. He was a kind Friend in K, and a loving one in L. In M he was a merciful Friend, a neceffary one in N, while in O he was an officious one; and in P, a powerful one. In Q, he was a quenchless Friend, and a rich one in R. He was a Soul fatisfying Friend in S; while in T he was a true one; and in U and V, he was not only a useful Friend, but also a valiant one, and the more to be estimated, because, that in W, he was a wife one. turned out to be a heathenish Letter, and therefore of no use to a Christian Audience; but Y and Z, were precious Letters, because he was a Yearning Friend in Y, and in Z, he was a zealous one. He concluded with obferving, that he had been at all this immenfe Pains for the Sake of Grace-feeking Souls, that let their Meditations begin with what Letter they would, they might find fomewhat to affift them.*

X

There, fays my Wife, there is Method with a Vengeance. What think you of this?-Oh, Madam, fays Index, this is built entirely upon the old Plan of A, Apple Pye; B bit it, C cut it, &c. But really your Spoufe has an excellent Memory.-True, faid fhe, where there is Nonfenfe concerned ; had it been a Difcourfe of Barrow's or Tillotson's, he would never have brought Home three Words.-Confcience, who takes all Opportunities to give a Man a flap on the Face, backed her Affertions; fo felf convicted I fat filent.

The Difcourfe now turned to other Subjects equally edifying, till the Evening Shades began to lengthen.

Virg.

Jam fumma procul villarum culmina tumant "Majorefq: cadunt altis de Montibus umbre." So after the ufual Compliments, I bad my Friend Index, as I do all my kind Readers, a hearty Farewell.

* The Text was, There is a Friend thet sticketh closer than a Brother.