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No one could be seen, and she was on the point of returning, when she thought she heard a noise in the coalhole. She listened, and presently a suppressed cough was clearly distinguishable. Mercy on us! thought Mrs Littlesight,-here are thieves in the house! and seizing the besom, she boldly advanced to the place that emitted the fatal noise. On opening the coal-hole's door, and gazing round with all due caution, what, alas! should she discover, but Mr Slenderstave and Miss Littlesight huddled up in the farthest corner? If I had not pledged myself to speak the truth, no consideration upon earth should induce me to reveal what followed. To cry "Ye villain ye!" place the candle upon the floor, and grasp the besom with both hands, was, with Mrs Littlesight, the work of a moment. Mr Slenderstave made a nimble dart, with the view of flying past her, he received a furious blow on the ribs and darted back again. Five times did he repeat this manœuvre, and as often was he thumped back by the merciless blows of his enraged enemy. Had he been assaulted in the midst of the kitchen, escape would have been easy; but to be pent up in a confined coal-hole, whose only point of egress was commanded by an irresistible foe--it was horrible. His ribs began to suffer dreadfully from the application of the besom-the ill-starred weapon had once come chuck in his face, and, besides endangering his eyes, had damaged his cheeks, and made his cravat the colour of the coalheap-he saw that it was impossible for him to cut a passage through the enemy, therefore he contented himself with taking up a defensive position against the farthest wall, and fighting the besom with his legs, though with poor success-and had it not been for the impetuosity of Mrs Littlesight, there is no knowing how many hours, or even days, he might have been kept in this perilous situation. When he would no longer come forward to receive the blows, his foe rushed into the coal-hole to reach him. This was the critical moment. He flew like lightning through the door, then flew like lightning through the kitchen door, and then was seen no more by Mrs Littlesight. The besom was next applied with great success to the back of Miss Peggy, as she scampered up VOL. XV.

stairs to lock herself up in her chamber.

As a faithful historian, it is my duty to say, that Mrs Littlesight positively declared to her neighbours, that he cried out murder! and wept like a child all the time she was thrashing him. It is incredible, and must be regarded by every one as a malicious falsehood; the more especially, as Mr Slenderstave denied it in toto, and moreover protested, that if she had but been a man, he would have knocked her down in a twinkling; and in addition, would have " called her out," to the almost certain outlet of her brains.

This was Mr Slenderstave's last visit to the kitchen, and of course to the coal-hole. Miss Peggy and the servant spread before him innumerable temptations to attract him thither once more, and declared it to be impossible for the same visitation to befall him again, but it was unavailing. If his oath was to be believed, he loved Miss Littlesight, but he loved himself likewise, and therefore he could not think of rushing, even for her, into the jaws of destruction. Mr Slenderstave was for some time, as well he might be, grievously enraged. Independently of the bruises and the jeopardy, there was the disgrace; and it was no small matter to be grinned at by every man, woman, and child, in Kiddywinkle, until he scarcely dared to put his head out of doors. At first he determined to bring his action of assault and battery, to teach the woman that the limbs and lives of the King's subjects were of somewhat more value than she chose to rate them at; but this determination evaporated in a most woful and pathetic elegy. He, however, to the last day of his existence, marvelled how he escaped being destroyed; and the remembrance of that awful hour never visited him without throwing him into a cold sweat, and causing his teeth to chat

ter.

As Mr Slenderstave would not be so fool-hardy as to venture again within the precincts of Mrs Littlesight s dwelling, he saw Miss Peggy but seldom. They were, however, most heroically dying for each other. She gave him her miniature, a lock of her hair, a silken purse, worked with her own fair hands, and passionate episᏭ Ꮓ

tles without number. These he had spread before him on that day when the robbery was committed at the Nag's Head, that the sight of them might assist him in the composition of his novel. He hastily crammed the miniature and the lock of hair into the purse, and then crammed the purse and its contents into his waistcoat pocket, as he departed for the lit tle parlour; and these precious pledges -more precious to their owner than anything that the world contained, save and except the lovely person of Miss Littlesight-which he had again and again sworn never to part with, except with life-these precious pledges were abstracted by the soft hand of the bewitching beggar girl, together with three shillings and sixpence in sterling money! It was a loss sufficient to drive any lover to distraction, but more especially such a lover as Mr Slender

stave.

On the morning after the robbery, all Kiddywinkle was in commotion. At first, it was merely said that Mr Slenderstave had been plundered of five, and Mr Smallglebe of fifteen, pounds then the loss of the former was raised to forty, and that of the latter to one hundred and fifty-then, no doubt from some misapprehension touching the misfortune that befell the poet's legs, it was asserted that these legs had been broken by the beggar man, who had moreover given to Mr Ailoften a brace of black eyesthen it was stated that the parson, shame to him! had got drunk, lost his money at cards, attempted in revenge to take liberties with the robber's wife, and had three ribs broken by the husband in consequence-and then it was bandied about as the naked truth, that Mr Slenderstave, having got somewhat mellow and frisky, had tempted the woman into the Inn's yard, and had been followed by the man, who from jealousy had put a knife into him without the least compunction, and that he was then in the last agony, Mr Smallglebe having been praying with, and Dr Manydraught having been physicking him, for the whole night.

Let me not be suspected of exaggeration, if I make no asseveration touching the truth of what I am now relating. I should, in sooth, regard it as a huge compliment, to be told, that I could equal slander in invention;

and that I could rival report in imagining the outrageous and the incredible.

Mr Slenderstave, of course, was invisible. His four friends had an early meeting to decide on the steps that were to be taken, and the heavy loss of the vicar-his purse contained twenty-five pounds-rendered it necessary that these steps should be serious ones. Dr Manydraught opened the discussion: "We must lose no time," said he, "we must have no half measures-the villain must be pursued-seized-hanged-gibbeted ! -Curse it! sir, if we let things like this pass, we shall not be able to sleep on our pillows without having our throats cut!"

"It is very just," said Mr Littlesight; "things have come to a pretty pitch, when one cannot give away a shilling in charity, but one's purse must be taken from one into the bargain!"

Mr Smallglebe was in a quandary. He was mightily afflicted and irritated by the loss, for, look at it as he would, he could discover no justification for the beggars. If they had stood before him, I firmly believe, in the heat of the moment, he could have felt in his heart to give the man a gentle horsewhipping, and the maiden a biting reprimand; but the thought of prosecuting-whipping-transporting!he knew not how to bear it. The words of the Doctor made him tremble. He threw a look at Mr Ailoften, which seemed to say-your opinion? but Mr Ailoften was silent, and he was compelled to speak himself. He, however, resolved to keep at a distance from the main point as long as possible. "It is," said he, "an astonishing affair-it seems like a dream-like magic-like a thing out of the course of nature. The man seemed to be so mild, and civil, and harmless, and well-instructed: then the maiden-I protest, from her meekness and winning behaviour, I could have loved her as a daughter. It appears even yet almost impossible that such people could do such an act. We should be thankful, my dear friends, that we are placed above temptation. What have they not perhaps suffered from want -the unkindness of friends-the--" Dr Manydraught lost all patience."My good sir," he exclaimed, "do not be reading us a sermon, when you

ought to be giving up the criminals to the instruction of justice. There is nothing at all remarkable in a pick pocket's having a smooth tongue, and meek, sanctified manners. You must to the Justice, and take out a warrant immediately."

"Prosecuting," said Mr Smallglebe, in some confusion, " is a hard thing scarcely a just thing in a member of my profession. We should forgive, rather than punish." This lucky thought re-nerved the Vicar.-"Yes, we should set an example of christian forgiveness.-Really one could not have expected it from people of such an exceedingly innocent aspect-from such a young and prepossessing female in particular. I never witnessed, and I suspect the world never witnessed, such a thing before."

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him for practising the instructionto become the patrons of thieves and murderers, to call them unfortunates, to fight their battles, to deplore their privations, to admire their obduracy, to trumpet forth their complaints as the marrow of truth, and to defame, and labour to excite public hatred against those whose legal duty it is to keep them in durance and punish them;-to do this, and, by doing it, to lead the ignorant to believe, that, if there be danger, there is nothing wrong in imitating them, and then to prosecute men for felony! It is abominable! Whatever it may be in law or worldly opinion, it is, in unsophisticated truth, as heinous a crime as human means could compass. No, no; philanthropists and liberals cannot in conscience prosecute."

Dr Manydraught could almost willingly have made a felon of himself by shooting Mr Ailoften; he, however, restrained his wrath as far as possible.

Upon my conscience," cried the Doctor," the man has lost his senses with his purse! Does the Church teach you to disobey the direct injunction of the laws to break down the safe--"By Heaven!" he exclaimed, "it guards of society-and to give impunity to the criminal, that he may persevere in crime, and be placed beyond the reach of reformation ?"

"The Vicar certainly," observed Mr Littlesight, with some sternness, "speaks more like an old wife than a scholar however, books will not teach people everything."

Mr Smallglebe's countenance fell."If I must prosecute," he stammered, "I must; but what says Mr Ailoften ?"

"I have been marvelling," said Mr Ailoften, with a sarcastic smile, "how it can be possible for philanthropists and liberals to speak of instituting prosecutions."

Dr Manydraught's choler rose ten degrees higher: he, however, kept it silent by taking a huge pinch of snuff, although his nose, in sucking up the dust, made the room echo.

"I think I had better not prosecute, after all," said Mr Smallglebe.

"I," continued Mr Ailoften, "could prosecute in consistency, and would prosecute as a duty; but the case is different with those who groan over the sorrows of prisoners, and rail against magistrates, jailors, and jails; and it is more especially different with those who defend and eulogize what are called liberal opinions. To teach a man to scorn the commands of his God, and to despise the laws, and then to punish

drives one mad to hear you, sir,-a man of the world, a man of sense and information-speak in this manner."

"Perhaps," replied Mr Ailoften, with remarkable composure," my words sting-I wish them to do it.I would, if I could, fill the speck that I occupy in my country with pure English feeling. I would strike not merely the instrument, but the hand that fashions it-not only the actor, but the prompter. I have lived to see a most deplorable change take place in the feelings of the uninstructed part of my countrymen. I have lived to see the death of their enthusiastic loyalty, their horror of guilt, and their pride in virtuous and honourable conduct; and, what is worse, I have lived to see them disaffected, irreligious, scoffing at moral restraints, and boasting of their profligacy. I am not fool enough to think that this change has been produced by chance, and I am not blind enough to be ignorant of what has produced it. It would be indeed miraculous if the Press should preach vice and guilt, and yet make no proselytes-if members of Parliament should attack christianity and loyalty, and yet not be followed by the multitude-if a party, comprehending a large portion of the nation, should unfurl the banners of jacobinism, and yet have no success-if the philanthropists should whine and cant over cri

minals, and yet not lead the ignorant to believe that crime is little less than praiseworthy. I know that men will learn profligacy very rapidly without instruction, and, therefore, I must know that their proficiency will be wonderful under first-rate teachers."

"It is useless replying, it is useless replying," said the Doctor, biting his thumbs.

"I will NOT prosecute!" said Mr Smallglebe, with great vehemence; "my conscience tells me that my words and actions have not tended to lead men to sin; but still it tells me to pardon my ignorant fellow-creatures, who are rendered sinners by the snares of the great and the knowing. Perhaps these poor beings have been led to rob me by being taught to despise the precepts of religion and virtue by writers of great talent-Noblemen and legislators!"

"It is but too probable," replied Mr Ailoften; "and still you must prosecute. It is your duty as a man and a clergyman. What the Bible prescribes may be safely performed. If the trebly guilty teachers cannot be reached, you still must not spare the pupils. There will be nothing very painful in the matter; there will be no blood shed, and no tortures inflicted. If they be sent to prison, they will obtain such exalted and powerful friends, as no degree of purity could have obtained them out of it; and, if they do not fare better than they have ever previously done, they will at least fare better than half the innocent labourers in the country. Then, as to the punishment-transportation-gatuitous conveyance to join a tribe of gentlemen and ladies!"

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Mr Smallglebe groaned deeply. "You must then," he responded, in a tone which could scarcely be heard, accompany me to the Justice." He sat a few moments absorbed in thought, then suddenly exclaimed," But our friend Slenderstave was robbed like wise-if he refuse to prosecute, if he will forgive the wrong, I can do no less. He shall not outdo me in christian charity; and, therefore, I will not stir a step until I know his determination." The recollection of this matter, this discovery of a chance for escape, quite delighted the worthy Vicar.

Dr Manydraught departed forthwith, to make himself acquainted with Mr Slenderstave's intention. Although

the pastor's heart was all kindness and benevolence, it is by no means certain that he did not secretly wish that the man of verse might be confined to his bed by illness for at least three days, in order that the robbers might be enabled to elude pursuit. Mr Slenderstave was a liberal-a person who sneered prodigiously at religion, and parsons, and laws, and restraints-a gentleman who saw merit, rather than evil, in vice and licentiousness, and who, moreover, grieved lustily over the miseries of prison inmates, and the barbarity of their tyrants; yet Mr Slenderstave actually swore to Dr Manydraught, that he would flay, rack, and hang, if possible, the wretches by whom he had been robbed. He sprung out of bed, and dressed himself with alacrity truly wonderful in a person labouring under so much anguish, and, in a few moments, stood at the side of Mr Smallglebe in readiness to proceed to a magistrate, to the infinite consternation and sorrow of the Vicar. Mr Smallglebe was now left without excuse, and the party proceeded to a Justice of Peace, obtained a warrant, and put it into the hands of Tommy Temple, tailor and constable of the parish, with the promise of a reward of five guineas, if he succeeded in capturing the offenders.

Notwithstanding the name of Tommy Temple, there was nothing very magnificent in his person. He was tall, slender, and ill-looking; he was never suspected being over-courageous; and he was wholly inexperienced in those conflicts which usually attend the caption of desperate reprobates. Occa sionally, there was a fray between drunken men at some alehouse or other, which he was called upon to appease or two labourers' wives quar relled, fought, and then got warrants against each other, which he had to execute; but these constituted the most dangerous of his duties. In truth, he was so seldom employed in his public capacity, that his post was well nigh a sinecure. Tommy perceived that the business which was now put into his hands was perfectly different from any that he had ever previously been called upon to execute, and that it involved much peril; he therefore called upon the deputy-constable, Neddy Blossom, wheelwright, joiner, and cabinet-maker, a square-built, downright kind of person, to accompany

1824.

him. Tommy would willingly have
taken four or five men more, but the
gentlemen ridiculed the idea, that two
men would not be an overmatch for a
man and a woman; and he bethought
himself, that if the five guineas were
divided among more than two persons,
the shares would scarcely be worth
taking. He therefore rapidly slipped
on his Sabbath habiliments,-his best
great-coat, his new jockey-boots, his
white neckcloth, with a chocolate one
neatly tied over it; while Neddy mere-
ly drew on a pair of huge jack-boots:
and they departed in the stage-coach,
in the direction which it was supposed
the robbers had taken, Tommy dis-
playing the symbol of office in his
hand-a staff about four feet in length,
and an inch and half in diameter, ha-
ving sundry golden letters at its upper
end, indicative of its exalted uses, and
the name of the venerable place to
which it belonged. Neddy was only
armed with a huge oaken towel, which
bore no tokens of official dignity.

After the coach had travelled about twelve miles, it stopped at a small pub lic-house to change horses. Tommy, bearing the staff before him, and duly followed by Neddy, stalked into the parlour, called for a tankard of ale, and interrogated the landlord touching the people who had called at his house in the preceding twelve hours.

"Haa!-What!" said mine host,
winking, "you're efther summat!—
Weel, hang all rogues, say I.-An au-
dish fellow an' a young lass called us
up at twelve yesterneet. They gat
thersens middlin drunk, an' they at
it agheane this mornin. They've nob-
bat just left us. I changed this faave
pund bill for 'em."

Tommy received the note with due
dignity, examined it, and behold it
displayed certain marks which proved
it to be one of those that had been
stolen from Mr Smallglebe. "Gad
lanlauds
rot ye!" he exclaimed, "
arn't a haupenny betther than thieves.
A jackass
Why didn't ye stop 'em?
mud ha' knawn 'at they hadn't getten
the money honestly.-I've a right goad
maand to tak ye up."

you

Tommy flourished his staff, and

seemed hugely vexed; Neddy bristled
up to his back, and looked savage;
and the landlord stepped backward a
couple of paces, and was quite chop-
fallen.

The constable relented, extended the
tankard to the staring host, and, in a
milder tone, desired him to say what
route the robbers had taken. The lat-
ter, after taking a long draught, re-
plied, "They're gheane forward, nut
faave minnets sen. They were hauf
drunk; an', if ye run, you're seer te
owertak 'em."

Tommy whipped off the tankard, paid the value, and set off on foot at full speed; Neddy running after him with all his might at the distance of five yards, which, from the weight of the jack-boots, was speedily increased to fifty.

After passing with incredible swiftness over several hundred yards of the road, the wind of the constable in chief began to fail; and, upon glancing over his shoulder, he perceived that he was in imminent danger of losing sight of his deputy. He moreover bethought himself, that if they came up with the pickpockets, a battle would be inevitable, and that therefore it was necessary to arrange a scheme of operations. Moved by these things he made a dead stop until Neddy reached him, and then they proceeded at a more reasonable pace.

"Ye're heavy heeled te-day, Neddy," said the constable with much importance, "but it's nobbat some odd ans 'at can touch me at runnin' when I lig mysen out.-We're sumbody teday, we're e grand saavice,—we're likenesses of his Majesty."

"Laud bliss me!" exclaimed the astonished Neddy, who could not conceive how this could be.

"Yis, yis," responded Tommy, in the same pompous tone," it's true eneauf. That is, Ise the King's rippyhentive: this means, Neddy, 'at Ise in a way King George. Noo, you're maa deppaty,-maa saavant ;-Seab, you're his Majesty saavant.”

"It's varra clear," replied Neddy, tossing up his head, and stalking through the mud with as much mock

My readers will here recognize the Yorkshire dialect. I fear that they will scarcely get the true sound of the words, notwithstanding the pains that I have taken in spelling them; the Cockney pronunciation is so horrible, and its ravages have been spread so widely.

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