13. At Newhalls, near Edinburgh, Lady Home, relict of Vice-Admiral Sir George Home of Blackadder, Bart. 14. At Edinburgh, John, infant son of John Bruce, Esq. Heriot Hill. -In Panton Square, London, John Ross, Esq. lieutenant-colonel, late of the 28th regiment. -At Pittenweem, Major John Duddingstone, late of the 1st battalian Royal Scots. 13. At Colchester, John Thomson, Esq. Deputy Commissary-General to the forces, and late private secretary to the most noble the Governor-general of Indía. -At Berrywell, Mrs Murray. -At Leith, Mr John Durie, merchant. 15. At his house, Shandwick Place, General Francis Dundas, after a long and painful illness. General Dundas was colonel of the 71st regiment of light infantry and governor of Dumbarton castle. 17. In Stanhope Street, Mayfair, London, Bamber Gascoyne, Esq. aged 68, many years a representative in Parliament for Liverpool. 18. At Ramsgate, Captain Bowles Mitchell, R. N. in the 74th year of his age. He was the last surviving officer of those who accompanied Captain Cook on his second voyage round the world. -At Edinburgh, Mr William Turnbull, formerly clothier, and late keeper of the mortality records of the city of Edinburgh. 20. At Richmond, James, Earl Cornwallis, Bishop of Litchfield and Coventry, and Dean of Durham, in the 81st year of his age. He is succeeded in his title and estates by his only son, James Mann, Viscount Broome, now Earl Cornwallis. -At Edinburgh, James Bissett, Esq. Rear Admiral of the Red. 20. At Collou, in the county of Louth, the sent of the venerable Lord Oriel, Viscountess Ferrard, Baroness Oriel, the lady of that distinguished nobleman. 21. At Kelso, Mr Andrew Telfer, bookseller. -At Aberdeen, Robert Lamb, Esq. late partner in the house of Robert Anderson and Co.' Gibraltar. 22. In Charlotte Square, Edinburgh, Henry D Grant, Esq. second son of the late Francis Grant, of Kilgraston, Esq. -At Moreham, very suddenly, Mr Thomas Henderson, in the 76th year of his age, and 45 years schoolmaster of that parish. -In St Andrew's Square, Mrs Aitken, wife of Dr John Aitken, surgeon, Edinburgh. 23. At Boulogne, Sir Brooke Boothby, Bart, F.L.S. of Ashbourn Hall, in the county of Derby, in his 80th year. 25. At No. 20, North Bridge, Edinburgh, Miss Foy. At Lauriestion Place, Mrs Janet Robertson, in the 85th year of her age. Mr Thomas Hodge, merchant, Newington. At her house, in Upper Seymour Street, London, on the 25th ult. Dame Judith Laurie, aged 74, widow of General Sir Robert Laurie, of Maxwelton, in the county of Dumfries, Bart. 27. At 25, Northumberland Street, the infant daughter of J. G. Lockhart, Esq. advocate. At Edinburgh, Mr William Thomson, dyer. - At Castle Howard, Yorkshire, the Right Hon. Margaret Caroline, Countess of Carlisle, in the 71st year of her age. 28. At Leith, the Rev. Robert Dickson, D. D. who for 38 years discharged the ministerial duties in the parish of South Leith, respected and beloved by all ranks. JAN. 5.-In Cork, of an organic disease of the heart, Jeremiah Daniel Murphy, Esq. son of D. Murphy, Esq., merchant in that city. This gentleman had only reached the age of eighteen years and a few months, but his acquirements were such as would betoken a far ampler period of existence. He spoke or wrote the Greek, Latin, French, Spanish, Portuguese, German, and Irish languages, with the utmost fluency and precision; and was profoundly versed in their respective literatures. His acquirements in science were highly respectable; and he was graced by the possession of those gentlemanlike accomplishments, which form the ornament of the rank in which he was destined, if Heaven had spared his life, to have moved; while, unlike most lads of precocious acquirements, his manners were mild, engaging, retiring, and modest. He had contributed occasionally to this Magazine. His perfect command over the Latin language was exemplified in the "Adventus Regis," No. 56; the "Rising of the North," No. 67; and other similar pieces, which we may now venture to say are complete models in their peculiar style. There are other papers also from his pen, which we have not now time to indicate, but all affording earnest of powers of composition, and depth of information, which we are sure would have been amply redeemed, if it had pleased Providence to have granted him a longer sojourn in this world. BLACKWOOD'S EDINBURGH MAGAZINE. No LXXXVI. MARCH, 1824. 66 LETTER FROM A FIRST-FLOOR LODGER." "AN Englishman's house is his castle"-I grant it; but, for his lodging, a comparison remains to be found. An Englishman's house may be his castle; but that can only be where he consents to keep the whole of it. Of all earthly alliances and partnerships into which mortal man is capable of being trepanned, that which induces two interests to place themselves within four walls, is decidedly the most unholy. It so happens that, throughout my life, I have had occasion only for half a house, and, from motives of economy, have been unwilling to pay rent for a whole one; but-there can be, on earth, I find, no resting-place for him who is so unhappy as to want only" half a house!" In the course of the last eight years, I have occupied one hundred and forty-three different lodgings, running the gauntlet twice through all London and Westminster, and, oftener than I can remember, the "out-parishes" through! As two "removes" are as bad as a fire, it follows that I have gone 71 times and a half through the horrors of conflagration! And, in every place where I have lived, it has been my fate to be domiciled with a monster! But my voice shall be heard, as a voice upon the housetop, crying out until I find relief. I have been ten days already in the abode that I now write from, so I can't, in reason, look to stay more than three or four more. I hear people talk of "the grave" as a lodging (at worst) that a man is "sure of;" but, if there VOL. XV. VOL. XV. be one resurrection-man alive when I die, as sure as quarter-day, I shall be taken up again. The first trial I endured when I came to London, was making the tour of all the boarding-houses-being deluded, I believe, seriatim, by every prescriptive form of "advertisements." First, I was tried by the pretence modest-this appeared in The Times all the year round. "Desirable circle”" Airy situation"-" Limited number of guests"-Every attention”—and no children." Next, was the commanding-at the very "head and front" of The Morning Post. "Vicinity of the fashionable squares!"-" Two persons, to increase society"-" Family of condition"-and "Terms, at Mr Sams's, the bookseller's." "Wi Then came the irresistible. dow of an officer of rank"-" Unprotected early in life"-" Desirous to extend family circle"-" Flatters herself," &c. Moonshine all together! "Desirable circle"-A bank clerk, and five daughters who wanted husbands. Brandy and water after supper, and booby from Devonshire snapt up before my eyes. Little boy too in the family, that belonged to a sister who "had died." I hate scandal; but I never could find out where that sister had been buried. "Fashionable square"-The fire, to the frying-pan! The worst item—(on consideration)-in all my experience. 2 K Dishes without meat, and beds without blankets. " Terms," ," "two hundred guineas a-year," and surcharges for night-candle. And, as for dinner! as I am a Yorkshireman, I never knew what it meant while I was in Manchester Square! I have had two step-mothers, Mr Editor, and I was six months at Mrs Tickletoby's preparatory school, and I never saw a woman since I was born cut meat like Lady Catharine Skinflint! There was a transparency about her slice which (after a good luncheon) one could pause to look at. She would cover you a whole plate with fillet of veal and ham, and not increase the weight of it half an ounce. And then the Misses Skinflints-for knowledge of anatomy-their cutting up a fowl!-In the puniest half-starved chicken that ever broke the heart of a brood hen to look at, they would find you side-bone, pinion, drumstick, liver, gizzard, rump, and merrythought! and, even beyond this critical acquaintance with all admittedand apocryphal-divisions and distinctions, I have caught the eldest of them actually inventing new joints, that, even in speculation, never before existed! I understand the meaning now of the Persian salutation" May your shadow never be less!" I lost mine entirely in about a fortnight that I staid at Lady Skinflint's. Two more hosts took me "at livery" (besides the "widow" of the "officer of rank")-an apothecary, who made patients of his boarders, and an attorney, who looked for clients among them. I got away from the medical gentleman rather hastily, for I found that the pastry-cook who served the house was his brother; and the lawyer was so pressing about "discounts," and "investments of property," that I never ventured to sign my name, even to a washing-bill, during the few days I was in his house: On quitting the which, I took courage, and resolved to become my own provider, and hired a "First Floor," accordingly ("unfurnished") in the neighbourhood of Bloomsbury Square. "Mutatio loci, non ingenii." The premier coup of my new career amounted to an escape. I ordered a carte blanche outfit from an upholsterct of Piccadilly, determined to have my "apartments" unexceptionable before I entered them; and discovered, after a hundred pounds laid out in painting, decorating, and curtain fitting, that the "ground landlord" had certain claims which would be liquidated when my property "went in." This miscarriage made me so cautious, that, before I could choose again, I was the sworn horror of every auctioneer and house-agent (so called) in London. I refused twenty offers, at least, because they had the appearance of being "great bargains." Eschewed all houses, as though they had the plague, in which I found that "single gentlemen were preferred." Was threatened with three actions of defamation for questioning the solvency of persons in business. And, at length, was so lucky as to hit upon a really desirable mansion! The "family" perfectly respectable; but had "more room" than was necessary to them. Demanded the "strictest references," and accepted no inmate for " less than a year." Into this most unexceptionable abode I conveyed myself and my property. Sure I should stay for ever, and doubted whether I ought not to secure it at once for ten years instead of one. And, before I had been settled in the house three quarters of an hour, I found that the chimneys-every one of them! smoked from the top to the bottom! There was guilt, Mr North, in the landlord's eye, the moment the first puff drove me out of my drawing-room. He made an effort to say something like "damp day;" but the "amen" stuck in his throat. He could not say amen," Mr Editor, when I did cry "God bless us!" The whole building, from the kitchen to the garret, was infected with the malady. I had noticed the dark complexions of the family, and had concluded they were from the West Indies,-they were smoke-dried !— "Blow high, blow low!" I suffered six weeks under excuses, knowing them to be humbug all the while. For a whole month it was "the wind;" but I saw "the wind" twice all round the compass, and found, blow which way it would, it still blew down my chimney. Then we came to "Cures." First, there were alterations at the top-new chimney-pots, cowls, hovels-and all Then we making the thing worse. tried at the bottom-grates reset, and flues contracted-still to no purpose. Then we came to burning charcoal; and in four days I was in a decline. Then we kept the doors and windows open; and in one day I got a fit of the rheumatism. And in spite of doors or windows, blowers, registers, or Count Rumford-precaution in putting on coals, or mathematical management of poker-down the enemy would come to our very faces,-poof! poof!—as if in derision! till I prayed Heaven that smoke had life and being, that I might commit murder on it at once, and so be hanged; and, at length, after throwing every moveable I could command at the grate and the chimney by turns, and paying "no cure no pay" doctors by dozens, who did nothing but make dirt and mischief, I sent for a respectable surveyor, paid him for his opinion beforehand, and heard that the fault in the chimneys was "radical," and not to be remedied without pulling the house down! I paid my twelvemonth's rent, and wished only that my landlord might live through his lease. I heard afterwards, that he had himself been imposed upon; and that the house, from the first fire ever lighted in it, had been a scandal to the neighbourhood. But this whole Magazine would not suffice to enumerate the variety of wretchednesses and smoky chimneys the very least of them!-which drove me a second time to change my plan of life; the numberless lodgings that I lived in; and the inconveniences, greater or lesser, attending each. In one place, my servants quarrelled with the servants of "the people of the house." In another, "the people of the house's" servants quarrelled with mine. Here, my housekeeper refused to stay, because "the kitchen was damp." There, my footman begged I would "provide myself," as there were "rats in his cockloft." Then somebody fell over a pail of water, left up on my stairs ;" and my maid" declared, it was "the other maid" had put it there. Then the cats fought; and I was assured, that mine had given the first scratch. On the whole, the disputes were so manifold, and always ending to my discomfiture,-for the lady of the mansion would assail me,I never could get the gentleman to be dissatisfied, (and so conclude the controversy by kicking him down stairs,)—that seeing one clear advantage maintained by the ground-possessor, viz. that I, when we squabbled, was obliged to vacate, and he remained where he was, I resolved, once for all, to turn the tables upon mankind at large, and become a landlord," and a " housekeeper," in my own immediate person. Sir, the grey goose hath laid an egg-Sir, the old barn doth need repair.-The cook sweareth, the meat doth burn at the fire.-John Thomas is in the stocks; and everything stays on your arrival.” I would not advise any single gentleman hastily to conclude that he is in distress. Bachelors are discontented, and take wives; footmen are ambitious, and take eating-houses. What does either party gain by the change? "We know," the wise man has said, "what we are; but we know not what we inay be." 66 In estimating the happiness of householders, I had imagined all tenants to be like myself-mild, forbearing, punctual, and contented; but I kept house" three years, and was never out of hot water the whole time! I did manage, after some trouble, to get fairly into a creditable mansion-just missing one, by a stroke of fortune, which had a brazier's shop at the back of it, and was always shewn at hours when the workmen were gone to dinnerand sent a notice to the papers, that a bachelor of sober habits, having a larger residence than he wanted," would dispose of half of it to a family of respectability. But the whole world seemed to be, and I think is, in a plot to drive me out of my senses. In the first ten days of my new dignity, I was visited by about twenty tax-gatherers, half of them with claims that I had never heard of, and the other half with claims exceeding my expectations. The householder seemed to be the minister's very milch cow-the positive scape-goat of the whole community! I was called on for housetax, window-tax, land-tax, and servants'-tax! Poor's-rate, sewers'-rate, pavement-rate, and scavengers'-rate! I had to pay for watering streets on which other people walked-for lighting lamps which other people saw by for maintaining watchmen who slept all night-and for building churches that I never went into. And-I never knew that the country was taxed till that moment!-these were but a few of the "dues" to be sheared off from me. There was the clergyman of the parish, whom I never saw, sent to me at Easter for " an offering." There was the charity-school of the parish, solicited "the honour" of my " subscription and support." One scoundrel came to inform me that I was "drawn for the militia ;" and offered to "get me off," on payment of a sum of money. Another rascal insisted that I was "chosen constable ;" and actually brought the insignia of office to my door. Then I had petitions to read (in writing) from all the people who chose to be in distress-personal beggars, who penetrated into my parlour, to send to Bridewell, or otherwise get rid of. Windows were broken, and " body" had "done it." The key of the street-door was lost, and "nobody" had" had it." Then my cook stopped up the kitchen "sink ;" and the bricklayers took a month to open it. Then my gutter ran over, and flooded my neighbour's garret; and I was served with notice of an action for dilapida tion. no And, at Christmas !-Oh! it was no longer dealing with ones and twos!— The whole hundred, on the day after that festival, rose up, by concert, to devour me! Dustmen, street-keepers, lamplighters, turncocks-postmen, beadles, scavengers, chimney-sweeps-the whole pecus of parochial servitorship was at iny gate before eleven at noon. self entitled to a peculiar benefaction (for his robberies) on this day. And "Host! Now by my life I scorn the name!" too All this was child's play-bagatelle, I protest, and " perfumed," to what I had to go through in the "letting off" of my dwelling! The swarm of crocodiles that assailed me, on every fine day-three-fourths of them, to avoid an impending shower, or to pass away a stupid morning-in the shape of stale dowagers, city coxcombs, "professional gentlemen," and "single ladies!" And all (except a few that were swindlers) finding something wrong about my arrangements! Gil Blas mule, which was nothing but faults, never had half so many faults as my house. Carlton Palace, if it were to be "let" to-morrow, would be objected to by a tailor. One man found my rooms small;" another thought them rather "too large;" a third wished that they had been loftier; a fourth, that there had been more of them. One lady hinted a sort of doubt, "whether the neighbourhood was quite respectable;" another asked, "if I had any children;" and, then, "whether I would bind myself not to have any during her stay!" Two hundred, after detaining me an hour, had called only "for friends." Ten thousand went through all the particulars, and would "call again to-morrow.' At last there came a lady who gave the coup-de-grace to my "house-keeping;" she was a clergyman's widow, she said, from Somersetshire-if she had been an "officer's," I had suspected her; but, in an evil hour, I let her in; and--she had come for the express purpose of marrying me! The reader who has bowels, they will yearn for my situation. Then the "waits" came-two sets! -and fought which should have "my bounty." Rival patroles disputed whether I did or did not lie within their "beat." At one time there was a doubt as to which, of two parishes, I belonged to; and I fully expected that Nolo conjugari !• (to make sure) I should have been I exclaimed in agony; but what could visited by the collectors from both! serve against the ingenuity of woman? Meantime the knocker groaned, until She seduced me-escape was hopeless very evening, under the dull, stun-morning, noon, and night! She ning, single thumps-each villain would have struck, although it had been upon the head of his own grandfather-of bakers, butchers, tallowchandlers, grocers, fishmongers, poulterers, and oilmen! Every ruffian who made his livelihood by swindling me through the whole year, thought him heard a mouse behind the wainscot, and I was called in to scare it. Her canary bird got loose-would I be so good as to catch it? I fell sick, but was soon glad to get well again; for she sent five times a-day to ask if I was better; besides pouring in plates of blanc mange, jellies, cordials, rasp Was this Latin or Yorkshire ?-C. N. |