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Art can deceive, or hunger force my taste ;
But pedants' motley tongue, souldiers' bumbast,
Mountebanks' drug-tongue, nor the terms of law
Are strong enough preparatives to draw
Me to hear this, yet I must be content
With his tongue, in his tongue call'd compliment:
In which he can win widows, and pay scores,
Make men speak treason, couzen subtlest whores,
Outflatter favorites, or outlie either
Jovius or Surius, or both together.
He names me, and comes to me; I whisper,

How have I sinn'd, that thy wrath's furious rod,
This fellow, chuseth me!' He saith, "sir,
I love your judgment; whom do you prefer
For the best linguist ? and I seelily
Said that I thought Calepine's dictionary.
• Nay, but of men, most sweet sir ? Beza then,
Some Jesuits, and two reverend men
Of our two academies I named. Here
He stopt me, and said, “Nay, your apostles were
Good pretty linguists ; so Panurgas was,


Talkers I 've learn’d to bear; Motteux I knew, 50
Henley himself I 've heard, and Budgell too.
The doctor's wormwood style, the hash of tongues
A pedant makes, the storm of Gonson's lungs,
The whole artillery of the terms of war,
And, all those plagues in one, the bawling bar;-
These I could bear; but not a rogue so civil, 56
Whose tongue will compliment you to the devil;
A tongue, that can cheat widows, cancel scores,
Make Scots speak treason, cozen subtlest whores,
With royal favorites in flattery vie,
And Oldmixon and Burnet both outlie.

He spies me out: I whisper,— Gracious God!
What sin of mine could merit such a rod ;-
That all the shot of dulness now must be
From this thy blunderbuss discharged on me? 65
• Permit,' he cries, 'no stranger to your fame
To crave your sentiment, if — 's your name.
What speech esteem you most ?—The king's,'

said I. • But the best words?—“0, sir, the dictionary.' • You miss my aim : I mean the most acute 70 And perfect speaker??—Onslow, past dispute.' • But, sir, of writers ?— Swift for closer style, But Hoadley for a period of a mile.' “Why, yes, 'tis granted, these indeed may pass : Good common linguists, and so Panurge was; 75

68 • What speech esteem you most?'-The king's.' This hurt Wilkes's loyalty! The sneer,' said he, 'is bighly indecent.'

73 But Hoadley for a period of a mile. The bishop had rendered himself obnoxious to the jacobites by his zeal for the Hanover succession. The period of a mile' was a sneer at his controversial works, which were rather long-drawn.

Yet a poor gentleman; all these may pass
By travail.' Then, as if he would have sold
His tongue, he praised it, and such wonders told,
That I was fain to say, If you had lived, sir,
Time enough to have been interpreter
To Babel's bricklayers, sure the tower had stood.'

He adds, . If of court life you knew the good,
You would leave loneness. I said, “ Not alone,
My loneness is; but Spartanes' fashion
To teach by painting drunkards doth not last
Now; Aretine's pictures have made few chaste ;
No more than princes' courts (though there be few
Better pictures of vice) teach me virtue.
He, like to a high-stretcht lutestring, squeaks,

() sir, 'Tis sweet to talk of kings.' _At Westminster,' Said I, the man that keeps the abbey-tombs, And for his price, doth with whoever comes Of all our Harrys and our Edwards talk, From king to king, and all their kin can walk: Your ears shall hear naught but kings; your eyes

meet Kings only: the way to it is King's-street.'

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Nay, troth, the apostles, though perhaps too

Had once a pretty gift of tongues' enough:
Yet these were all poor gentlemen! I dare
Affirm, 'twas travel made them what they were.'

Thus others' talents having nicely shown, 80
He came by sure transition to his own;
Till I cried out,– You prove yourself so able,
Pity, you was not Druggerman at Babel !
For had they found a linguist half so good,
I make no question but the tower had stood.' 85
• Obliging sir! for courts you sure were made :
Why then for ever buried in the shade?
Spirits like you should see and should be seen;
The king would smile on you—at least, the queen.'
*Ah, gentle sir! you courtiers so cajole us - 90
But Tully has it, Nunquam minus solus ;
And as for courts, forgive me, if I say
No lessons now are taught the Spartan way :
Though in his pictures lust be full display'd,
Few are the converts Aretine has made; 96
And though the court show vice exceeding clear,
None should, by my advice, learn virtue there.'
At this entranced, he lifts his hands and

eyes ; Squeaks like a high-stretch'd lutestring, and re

plies ;• 0, 'tis the sweetest of all earthly things 100 To gaze on princes, and to talk of kings! • Then, happy man who shows the tombs !' said I; • He dwells amidst the royal family; He every day from king to king can walk; Of all our Harries, all our Edwards talk; 105

He smack'd, and cried, “He's base, mechanique,

coarse, So are all your Englishmen in their discourse. Are not your Frenchmen neat ?’-Mine, as you

see; I have but one, sir, look, he follows me.' • Certes, they are neatly cloathed. I of this mind

am ;Your only wearing is your grogaram. * Not so, sir, I have more.' Under this pitch He would not fly; I chaff”d him : but as itch Scratch'd into smart, and as blunt iron ground Into an edge, hurts worse; so I (fool) found, Crossing hurt me. To fit my sullenness, He to another key his style doth dress; And asks what news: I tell him of new playes ; He takes my hand, and as a still, which stayes A sembrief 'twixt each drop, he niggardly, As loth to inrich me, so tells many a ly; More than ten Hollensheads, or Halls, or Stows, Of trivial household trash : he knows, he knows When the queen frown'd or smiled ; and he knows

what A subtle statesman may gather of that; He knows who loves whom; and who by poison Hasts to an office's reversion;

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