abode, where every thing adapted itself so well to my habits, and enter into a new scene, where I should be forced to adopt a new mode of life. He listened to me with his usual composure and said: Whether you will find yourself better pleased with a temporary abode in the country than a permanent residence in town, depends much, if not entirely, upon yourself; and the only method I can take to set before you what you will gain or lose by the change, is to give you the result of my own experience. You know I am of retired habits, beside being fond of quiet, and my first wish when in the country is to be allowed to follow my own tranquil course, while I take healthful exercise by myself and imbibe pure air.

6

I must premise that there are gradations of rural enjoyment; places suited to small people with small means, who are forced to content themselves with a moderate amount of pure air and comfort; genteel lodgings for a few gentlemen, married or single; charming retreats within fifteen minutes walk of the ferries and hotels, elegantly furnished, where it is expected people will dress for dinner. We will begin with a house, painted white to conceal its age, at Gowanus, (elevated in dignity by being called South Brooklyn,) or Astoria, neither town or country, to which you go late in the afternoon and leave early in the morning; the house near the river and close by the road, so that you lose no dust; behind and within a stone's throw you have a muddy stream meandering slowly. through a wide marsh, the abode of musquitoes beyond count; in short, a most delightful place to get away from.

'Places like these are the calm retreats of men with lean salaries and select wardrobes, who dwell in the shade, not of external nature, but of their own thoughts. Let us go a little higher, and take Flushing, at the bottom of a muddy bay, or Bath, at the edge of a sand bank, with a little cove of salt water for a delightful plunge into the broad Atlantic-so invigorating. Even these, with all their charms, do not long please persons of elevated thoughts, of aspiring minds; it is soon perceived that these chosen spots are low, the company mixed, and that champaigne of "the most approved brand" is in reality only Newark cider. When this discovery is made, a wistful look is cast on the lofty dome that surmounts the pavilion at New Brighton, and this forms the third grade in the column of rural life. Here people are well dressed and genteel; no one lounges in shady groves, or loiters in sequestered paths; but ladies, who come with the fixed intention of being sentimental, are to be seen arrayed in morning robes, reclining on couches, absorbed in the improvement of their minds by reading 'The Mysteries of Paris,' 'Paul Clifford,' or the graphic romances of Balzac. Here too they have balls; and what is an unfailing mark of intellectual refinement, private theatricals are performed before the inmates of the hotel and crowds of idlers, who are attracted by the novelty of the entertainment, and much amused by the privacy with which it is managed. You think, perhaps, this is the summit of human enjoyment as it is found in country life; but you must be

told that another spot exists, which is the culminating point of fashionable existence, where the lordlings of the nation hold their court. This is Saratoga, where the chivalry of the South exhibit their knightly prowess; where strangers of distinction bring the customs of foreign lands; where sovereigns are represented in the person of their ambassadors, and where may be seen secretaries of state, and even ex-presidents. Here is a sacred temple I will not approach, for I am ignorant of the mysteries therein performed; and because I have already said enough to convey a correct idea of what my countrymen call the pleasures of country life.'

While my friend in the white cravat paused in his description, I seized the opportunity to exclaim: You give me just what I do not care to know. It is not all these artificial modes of killing time, this noise and confusion ten times worse than city life, that I desire to know. I wish to learn if among your people there is any thing like easy, tranquil comfort; whether there is a place where a calm subject like myself can go and solace himself with the charms of a quiet home, and enjoy, in his own way, a view of rural scenery.' 'If it is tranquillity and independence you seek,' resumed my friend, you will learn the attempts people make to attain them, and your own chance of success, by listening a short time longer to what I am about to relate.

The usual time for choosing a summer residence is two or three months before the hot weather commences, before good quarters are bespoken or much sought after. You select what you think is an agreeable spot, where pure air, rural scenery, and shaded walks, combine to make it pleasant; at the same time you are careful to make inquiries about those who are to have charge of you; of course you must run the hazard of being under the same roof with persons whom you may like or dislike. And herein lies a contingency you cannot guard against; one which may render your abode tranquil or noisy, pleasant or disagreeable, according as may be the men, women and children with whom you are to associate. A place which I selected a few years ago was one, as I supposed, of retirement; far enough removed from town to give all the charm of rural life, yet near enough to reach it within a short time. The very reason that guided my choice moved others to come to the same place; and I soon found that instead of repose I was in the midst of turmoil. Where two or three are gathered together,' and a portion of these are young, there will be noise. The new comers laughed, danced and sang, which, when not frequent, was rather agreeable than otherwise; but they were often boisterous, and were possessed of the common mania of intrigue and flirtation. They endeavored to transform a calm retreat into a fashionable rendezvous; and what was worse, called upon me, not only to wink at such scenes, but to aid and abet in their nefarious projects. I recommend by all means that you avoid such places, unless you decide to become a Christian, lay aside your moral purity, and adopt the Christian customs. The pathway to these acts is on the sliding scale, and you can easily fall into it; if you are not apt at

learning you will find many persons of experience who will bring you up by hand until you are able to go alone.

'If you see a widow who has just left off being disconsolate, with a daughter who sighs to be alone in a cot by the side of a murmuring stream, you may be sure the first is come for a husband, and the second for a lover, and you may be certain of being sought after by one, solely on account of your artless manners, and courted by the other merely for the charms of your mind. In this way I was once cajoled a whole season, it being discovered that I possessed an even temper and was always willing to oblige, so that I was made to be useful as a beau, to ride or walk, to aid in getting up little parties, while I was kept within reach to be afterwards transformed into a husband or lover, should I be found strong enough for the work. Of course while thus engaged I was not master of my own movements, could neither walk nor ride alone, could not be quietly seated in my own room occupied in reading or communing with my own thoughts. If I stole slyly away to my own apartment, a knock at the door was soon heard with Mrs. Topknot's compliments, would be glad to see me in the saloon to consult about a pic nic, or Miss Laura Matilda Topknot wished to know if it was asking too much to request me to hold a skein of silk for her to wind. Even men would presume to lay claim to my services. Mr. Reuben Broadfoot, would choose the moment when I sought seclusion to request of me the favor to drive him over the meadow road, which was level and where no stones were to be found to give a jog to his rheumatism, adding that, supposing I had nothing to occupy me, I might like exercise abroad. While engaged in this wearisome trot I was doomed to listen to the rise, progress and end of human infirmities, varied by a hint or two of the fluctuation of the value of house lots and stocks. If I pointed at luxuriant foliage, beautiful flowers or pleasant views, the charms of nature produced no effect on the dull senses of my companion, whose sole enjoyment seemed to consist in dwelling on his own miseries, and having near him one who quietly listened to a recital of them. This is the evil of being what is called a tranquilminded man and possessing an accommodating disposition. When you go to the country do not show an over good temper, if you do, you are sure to be victimized. Keep your faith, preserve your gravity, and if you should chance to be hard of hearing it shall be well for you; you will be respected and avoided.

In this way was passed one of my summers in which I gained nothing but experience; this I determined to profit by and to avoid if possible the obstacles that had beset my path in search of rural happiness. Accordingly the ensuing season I chose a spot quite out of the usual track (as I thought) of town's-people who wished to become country lodgers; it was in the vicinity of a wood where I could find shade for an afternoon's walk, and my window fronted a wide expanse of water, whence came upon me cool breezes, which refreshed me during my morning studies. Over and above these advantages I learned that this part of the country was accused of harboring fever-and-ague. I own that this intelligence afforded me

a slight satisfaction, inasmuch as it made me feel sure I should now live unmolested and be no longer subjected to the whims of others. Fever-and-ague is a very present help in keeping off intruders, and if you can throw in with it a pretty stiff whooping-cough you are safe from the annoyance of a gentleman and lady of the highest respectability with several very fine children.'

I congratulated myself on my fortunate choice, and as I rambled under the shade of lofty trees, or inhaled the morning air in my apartment, felt joy that no matron could call me to a consultation; no young lady could transform me into a breathing distaff; nor any rheumatic clod draw me from contemplating natural scenery, to waste time in listening to a recital of his ills.

While reposing thus in security, I was told by my good landlady that she had made a great improvement in her house by forming a large room in the attic, in which she and her daughter would henceforward sleep, and the two rooms they occupied would be taken by persons who had engaged them for the summer. She said this would be an additional source of profit to her, and added, seemingly with much satisfaction, that she was glad of it for my sake, as I should now have some agreeable companions to relieve me from the lonely state in which I had so long lived, and which must be very wearisome.

At this intelligence my spirits fell; my intrenchments of feverand-ague and whooping-cough were forced, and all my pleasing expectations of retirement were scattered to the winds. I looked forward to have my peaceful abode turned to a scene of riot, while further exactions would be made upon my time by which my naturally easy temper was to be put to new trials. Nothing could be done to ward off the evil; so I braced myself up to submit, with all the patience I could command, to the buffets that awaited me. Well, the party came; consisting of the man, his wife, four children, an Irish nurse, a pet dog, a go-cart and a rocking-horse; and with all these it was expected I should be on friendly terms during the time of our cohabitation. My heart sank within me as I saw them approach the house; and I am shocked to confess that at the time, I wished for the power of Neptune to plant them in some of the secret places of his kingdom where the weary never fail to find rest. In ten minutes

I was a witness to the extent of the misery I was to endure during a whole summer. The husband began to smoke with all his might, regardless of every thing around, even the spittoon; the wife talked loudly to the mistress about the accommodations, and what she should require; how her own apartment was to be kept, when the children were to have their meals, and whether there were in the house other children with whom she could venture to permit her own to associate. Meanwhile the little darlings set out on a pleasure excursion in the go-cart, which rattled over the piazza with the rumbling of an earthquake; the rocking-horse was put to his utmost speed, while the dog, finding by the smell that I was not one of the family, commenced a bark of disappointment that caused an uproar greater than I can describe.

'Here was a situation, neither delicate nor critical, but absolutely

disheartening to a quietly-disposed man, who had, as he thought, secured to himself a retired spot in which to be alone, enjoying the tranquil pleasure of country life. How did I mourn that there existed in the world highly respectable families with several delightful children, go-carts, rocking-horses and pet dogs, all let loose at once to disturb my repose. I almost sighed for Broadway, its dust, filth, and the perpetual rolling of wagons and omnibusses; yet what could I do? It would give me a world of trouble to find other lodgings; and if I did, it was far from being certain that I should fare better, for there are highly respectable families, with fine children,' wherever you go. I submitted; yet if there was enjoyment in this summer abode, the largest portion of it fell to the share of my companions..

This narrative of vexations may take from you a desire to pass your summer hours in the country; yet if you have a philosophic turn of mind, and feel disposed to draw amusements from the oddities of mankind, a temporary sojourn such as I have described will offer many subjects of amusement. You see many people in their undressed habits; some who are little, trying to be big; some who are intended by nature to be matter-of-fact folks, endeavoring to get up sentimentality; and in the midst of all, a great bustle where there should be neither noise nor confusion. Nothing can be more diverting than the commotion raised in the morning, when the male portion of the company depart for their occupations in town. You hear a delicate voice from the balcony: 'Brother Alonzo, do n't forget the gilt-edge paper, the eau-de-cologne water, and the KNICKERBOCKER;' Billings, look out for the Great Western, and bring all the newspapers,' cries a hoarse-toned gentleman in the piazza; while just as another gentleman is leaving the gate, a scream is heard from one of the mamma's, Mr. Underbrush, remember the castor-oil for the baby.'

'I once did have a season of tranquillity, when a worthy couple came in my way who were bent upon enjoying themselves by living at their ease and mingling with good society. The gentleman was a retired butcher, who had amassed a pretty little fortune, which he intended should bring him much comfort; the lady had a few pretensions, having moved in the higher circles in the neighborhood of the Upper Bull's Head. Pride will ooze out, even from the stall; and the lady sighed to display herself in a more elevated sphere; she wished to change her town residence for another in WashingtonSquare or Union-Place; but above all, she had a longing desire to make the 'tower of Europe;' which done, she intended on her return to breakfast at ten o'clock, dine at five, and be really happy. The husband, being exempt from these aspiring notions, was contented with his lot; and coming from a part of the country called the land of steady habits,' had a nasal twang to his voice, and for want of occupation, had fallen into a devotional frame of mind. He had not his wife's desire to roam, though he was once heard to say that he should like to see London, which he was told was a very large town, and terribly thickly-settled about the Meetin'-house!'