-In a trial, where a German and his wife were giving evidence, the former was asked by the counsel, How old are you? I am dirty. And your wife! Mine wife dirtytwo. Then, Sir, you are a very nasty couple, and I wish to have nothing further to say to either of you.

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I wish to consult you upon a little project I have formed,» said a noodle to his friend. I have an idea in my head Have you? interposed the friend, with a look of great surprise; then you shall have my opinion at once: keep it there! it may be some time before you get another."

-In a Shrewsbury Address to James I; his loyal subjects expressed a wish that he might reign over them as long as sun, moon, and stars should endure. I suppose, then, observed the monarch, they mean my successor to reign by candle

light."

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-A wealthy tradesman having ordered a fish-pond at his country-house to be cleared out, the foreman discovered, at the bottom, a spring of ferruginous coloured water; and on returning to the house, told his employer that they had found a chalybeate. I am glad of it, exclaimed the worthy citizen, " for I never saw one. Put it in the basket with the other fish, and I'll come and look at it presently. »

"

Young woman, said a magistrate to a girl who was about to be sworn," why do you hold the book upside down?» I am obliged, Sir, because I am left-handed. "

-In the postscript to a letter a man hoped his correspondent would excuse faults of spelling, if any, as he had no knife to mend his pens.

-A man who had accused his neighbour of falsehood, was called on for an apology, which he gave in the following amphibological terms: I called you a liar,-it is true. You spoke truth I have told a lie..

:

-To the pseudo-connoisseurs, who bring their own narrow professional feelings to the appreciation of a work of art, we recommend the following authentic anecdote :-A thriving tailor, anxious to transmit his features to posterity, enquired of a young artist what were his terms for a half length. I

charge twenty-five guineas for a head, was the reply. The portrait was painted and approved, when the knight of the thimble, taking out his purse, demanded how much he was to pay. I told you before that my charge for a head was twenty-five guineas. I am aware of that, said Snip; but how much more for the coat? it is the best part of the picture.

We may admire the wit, without acknowledging the truth of the repartee uttered by a bachelor, who, when his friend reproached him for his celibacy, adding that bachelorship ought to be taxed by the government, replied, "There I agree with you, for it is quite a luxury..

PERMITTED TO BE PRINTED,

St. Petersburg, August 1st, 1842.

P. KORSAKOFF, CENSOR.

Printed at the Office of the «Journal de St. Petersbourg. »

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A PERSONAL NARRATIVE OF A JOURNEY FROM HERAUT TO OURENBOURG, ON THE CASPIAN, in 1840, by captain Sir RICHMOND SHAKESPEAR.

[This is a narrative consisting of the journal taken by the author upon his route in 1840. Being a subaltern in the army of the Indus after the taking of Ghuznee, he was employed upon an important diplomatic mission, the object of which was to obtain the withdrawal of the Russian army, which was at that period advancing upon, and within three day's march of, the city of Khyva. Sir R. Shakespear, having marched from Heraut to Khyva, was successful in the arrangement of a treaty between the Khan of Khyva and the Russian General, the prominent conditions of which were, on the part of the latter, that he should withdraw the Russian army within the limits of the Russian empire; on the part of the former, that the Khyvans should restore to the Russians all the Russian prisoners who had been taken and held in slavery by the Muscovan subjects of the Khan of Khyva. The detention of these prisoners had always formed the pretext of Russia for its advance against the Khan's dominions; and, in order to destroy this effectually for the future, Sir R. S. guaranteed to the Russians the restoration of all the prisoners within the Khan's dominions and for this purpose, personally undertook to collect and march them in safety into Russia. He accordingly liberated and took charge of these prisoners, upwards of 500, and with the whole number crossed from Khyva to the Caspian. He left the prisoners at Ourenbourg, passed through Russia, being everywhere received with enthusiasm by the countrymen of the prisoners, and on his arrival at St. Petersburg obtained a ratification of the treaty from the Emperor, and had the honour of receiving his thanks publicly.

On his arrival in England, he received promotion and rank for his services, and is now Military Secretary to the Commander-in

VOL. III.

37

Chief of the Bengal army, at present in the Khyber pass on its way to relieve General Sale.]

On the 11th of May 1840, a packet arrived at Heraut, from Sir W. H. Macnaghten, with important instructions for Captain Abbott. As this officer was absent from Khyva, Major Todd considered it advisable to depute me to carry out the wishes of Government, and on the evening of the 13th I made my farewell call on the Vuzeer, Yar Mahomed Khan, who insisted on accompanying me to my halting-place, a village about two miles from the city. This is certainly a delightful part of the world to one fond of excitement. A fortnight ago, I was thinking of putting coloured glass in my windows, and making other alterations in my quarters, as there appeared every prospect of my remaining at Heraut for many a day; it was then decided that I should go with despatches to Cabool, and, just as my arrangements were completed for this trip, I received instructions to move towards Khyva! If I fail in getting to Khyva before the Russians drive the Khan Hukarut from that city, I have every chance of being carried away in the uproar; the whole country will be in confusion, and, though my party is a respectable one, it is any thing but invincible; the chances, however, are in my favour, as all the chiefs through whose country I pass are in friendly correspondence with us, and each of them knows that civility to me is sure to be profitable to him. In short, the chances of distinction are so great, and the hazard so slight, that the heart of even a wren would be gladdened by the prospect. I halted until the evening of the 14th to take leave of all my native friends, and the party of Englishmen with whom I have been so long.

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My party consists of the Cazee Moollah Mahomed Hassan, who, from his being somewhat of a conspirator, we have been in the habit of calling Brutus his son, Mahomed Daood, an active young fellow, who is so fond of adventure that he cheerfully leaves his young wife to come with us - · Khoda Woordee Khan, a man of old but ruined family, who ought to be faithful, if there is such a thing as gratitude in this

part of the world;-and lastly, Fazil Khan, a fine specimen of the troopers of the irregular horse of India, true as steel, fearing neither man nor devil, and obeying the orders of his immediate superior to the very letter. Brutus, I should say, is about 60 years old; he is a man of considerable rank, a Moollah and Cazee, whose family in former years possessed great influence and wealth in the valley of Heraut; he is passionate and violent, but of unflinching courage, and has much influence with the tribes I shall have to pass through; his opinion of his own rank and consequence is very great. His son is invaluable; he looks after the horses, loads the mules, ties my turban, helps to cook the dinner, and appears at that meal in a good dress, humour, and appetite. Khoda Woordee proceeds more leisurely about his work; he is a quiet gentlemanly man, blessed with a most luxuriant beard, and whether doctoring a mule or eating his food, he is always sedate, and seems to think a good deal, but never speaks if he can help it. Fazil Khan is, simply, the most faithful, single-hearted creature I have ever met with. With the above party I am to dine, breakfast, and associate for an unknown time, and I would not change any of them. In addition to the above, I have seven Demauk Kipchag troopers from the Vuzeer, who look as if they were good men for work. One of them is called the Wolf,» from a curious habit which he is said to possess of rushing into danger. I dare say we shall have occasion to put his vaunted courage to the test.

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I am writing this at 9 A. M., on the 15th May, not having had time, in the multiplicity of arrangements previous to my departure, to keep a journal. I took leave at sunset yesterday of my brother officers, at about five miles from the city. All the mules had passed us, and the only absentees were Mahomed Daood and Khoda Woordee. Brutus explained the absence of the former, by saying he had sent him on duty to the city; but Khoda Woordee's absence could only be imagined by supposing he was thinking of something which every body else had forgotten. The march was to Purwaunah, about six and a half miles through the range of hills north of Heraut; a capital road, fine moonlight, and only one false