The thief condemn'd, in law already dead, So prompts, and saves a rogue who cannot read. Thus as the pipes of some carved organ move, The gilded puppets dance and mount above. Heaved by the breath the inspiring bellows blow : The inspiring bellows lie and pant below
One sings the fair: but songs no longer move No rat is rhymed to death, nor maid to love: In love's, in nature's spite, the siege they hold, And scorn the flesh, the devil, and all but gold.
These write to lords, some mean reward to get, As needy beggars sing at doors for meat. Those write because all write, and so have still Excuse for writing, and for writing ill. Wretched indeed! but far more wretched yet Is he who makes his meal on others' wit : 'Tis changed, no doubt, from what it was before; His rank digestion makes it wit no more : Sense, pass'd through him, no longer is the same ; For food digested takes another name.
As in some organs puppets dance above, And as bellows pant below, which then do move, One would move love by rhymes; but witchcraft'e
charms Bring not now their old fears, nor their old harms : Rams and slings now are silly battery, Pistolets are the best artillery. And they who write to lords, rewards to get, Are they not like singers at doors for meat ? And they who write, because all write, have still That 'scuse for writing, and for writing ill.
But he is worst, who beggarly doth chaw Other wits' fruits, and in his ravenous maw Rankly digested, doth those things out-spue, As his own things; and they're his own,
'tir true; For if one eat my meat, though it be known The meat was mine, the excrement's his own.
I pass o'er all those confessors and martyrs, Who live like S-11-n, or who die like Chartres, Out-cant old Esdras, or out-drink his heir; Jut-usure Jews, or Irishmen out-swear; Wicked as pages, who in early years Act sins which Prisca's confessor scarce hears. E'en those I pardon, for whose sinful sake Schoolmen new tenements in hell must make; Of whose strange crimes no canonist can tell In what commandment's large contents they dwell.
One, one man only breeds my just offence; Whom crimes gave wealth, and wealth gave impu
dence: Time, that at last matures a clap to pox, Whose gentle progress makes a calf an ox, And brings all natural events to pass, Hath made him an attorney of an ass. No young divine, new-beneficed, can be More pert, more proud, more positive than he. What further could I wish the fop to do, But turn a wit, and scribble verses too? Pierce the soft labyrinth of a lady's ear With rhymes of this per cent, and that per year ?
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But these do me no harm, nor they which use,
to out-usure Jews, To out-drink the sea, t' outswear the letanie, Who with sins all kinds as familiar be As confessors, and for whose sinful sake Schoolmen new tenements in hell must make; Whose strange sins canonists could hardly tell In which commandment's large receit they dwell
But these punish themselves. The insolence Of Coscus, only, breeds my just offence, Who time (which rots all, and makes botches pox, And plodding on, must make a calf an ox) Hath made a lawyer; which (alas) of late; But scarce a poet: jollier of this state, Than are new beneficed ministers, he throws Like or lime-twigs whereso'er he goes
Or court a wife, spread out his wily parts, Like nets, or lime-twigs, for rich widows' hearts; Call himself barrister to every wench, And woo in language of the Pleas and Bench ? Language, which Boreas might to Auster hold, More rough than forty Germans when they scold.
Cursed be the wretch, so venal and so vain : Paltry and proud, as drabs in Drury-lane. 'Tis such a bounty as was never known, If Peter deigns to help you to your own : What thanks, what praise, if Peter but supplies ! And what a solemn face, if he denies ! Grave, as when prisoners shake the head and swear 'Twas only suretyship that brought them there. His office keeps your parchment fates entire, He starves with cold to save them from the fire : For you he walks the streets through rain or dust, For not in chariots Peter puts his trust; For you he sweats and labours at the laws, Takes God to witness he affects your cause, And lies to every lord in every thing, Like a king's favourite-or like a king.
His title of barrister on every wench, And wooes in language of the Pleas and Bench. **
Words, words which would tear The tender labyrinth of a maid's soft ear: More, more than ten Sclavonians scolding, more Than when winds in our ruin'd abbeys roar. Then sick with poetry, and possess'd with muse Thou wast, and mad I hoped; but men which chusa Law practice for mere gain : bold soul repute Worse than imbrothel'd strumpets prostitute. Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk, His hand still at a bill; now he must talk Idly, like prisoners, which whole months will swuar That only suretiship had brought them there, And to every suitor lye in every thing, Like a king's favourite-or like a king.
These are the talents that adorn them all, From wicked Waters e'en to godly ** Not more of simony beneath black gowns, Not more of bastardy in heirs to crowns. In shillings and in pence at first they deal; And steal so little, few perceive they steal : Till, like the sea, they compass all the land, From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand And when rank widows purchase luscious nights, Or when a duke to Jansen punts at White's, Or city heir in mortgage melts away, Satan himself feels far less joy than they. Piecemeal they win this acre first, then that, Glean on, and gather up the whole estate ; Then strongly fencing ill-got wealth by law Indentures, covenants, articles they draw, Large as the fields themselves, and larger far Than civil codes, with all their glosses, are; So vast, our new divines, we must confess, Are fathers of the church for writing less.
Like a wedge in a block, wring to the barre, Bearing like asses, and more shameless farre Than carted whores, lye to the grave judge : for Bastardy abounds not in king's titles, nor Simony ard Sodomy in churchmen's lives, As these things do in him; by these he thrives. Shortly (as th' sea) he'll compass all the land, From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand And spying heirs melting with luxury, Satan will not joy at their sins as he; For (as a thrifty wench scrapes kitchen-stuffe, And barrelling the droppings and the snuffe Of wasting candles, which in thirty year, Reliquely kept, perchance buys wedding cheer! Piecemeal he gets lands, and spends as much time Wringing each acre, as maids pulling prime. In parchment then, iarge as the fields, he draws Assurances, big as gloss'd civil laws, So huge that men (in our times forwardness) Are fathers of the church for writing less.
So Luther thought the Pater-noster long, When doom'd to say his beads and even-song, But having cast his cowl, and left those laws, Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause. But let them write for you, each rogue impairs The deeds, and dexterously omits ses heires : No commentator can more slily pass Over a learn'd unintelligible place: Or, in quotation, shrewd divines leave out Those words that would against them clear the
doubt. The lands are bought; but where are to be found Those ancient woods, that shaded all the ground? We see no new-built palaces aspire, No kitchens emulate the vestal fire. Where are those troops of poor, that throng'd of
yore The good old landlord's hospitable door? Well, I could wish, that still in lordly domes Some beasts were kill'd, though not whole hecatombe That both extremes were banish'd from their walls, Carthusian fasts, and fulsome bacchanals;
These he writes not; nor for these written payes, Therefore spares no length (as in those first dayes When Luther was profess'd, he did desire Short Pater-nosters, saying as a fryer Each day his beads : but having left those laws, Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause But when he sells or changes land, he impaires The writings, and (unwatch'd) leaves out ses heires As slily as any commentator goes by Hard words, or sense ; or, in divinity, As controverters in vouch'd texts, leave out Shrewd words, which might against them clear the
doubt. Where are these spread woods which cloathed
heretofore Thost bought lands? not built, nor burnt within door Where the old landlords troops and almes? In halls Cartausian fasts, and fulsome bacchanals
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