cause you once answered me modeftly; and if you fhould never do me that honour for the future, I am to think (like a true coxcomb) that your filence gives confent. Perhaps you wonder why this is addrefs'd to you rather than to Mrs M-, with whom I have the right of an old acquaintance, whereas you are a fine lady, have bright eyes, &c. Firft, Madam, I make choice of you rather than of your mother, because you are younger than your mother. Secondly, becaufe I fancy you fpell better, as having been at school later. Thirdly, because you have nothing to do but to write if you please, and poffibly it may keep you from employing yourself worse: it may fave fome honeft neighbouring gentleman from three or four of your peftilent glances. Caft your eyes upon paper, Madam, there you may look innocently: men are feducing, books are dangerous, the amorous ones foften you, and the godly ones give you the spleen: If you look upon trees, they clafp in embraces; birds and beasts make love: the fun is too warm for your blood; the moon melts you into yielding and melancholy. Therefore I say once more, caft your eyes upon paper, and read only fuch letters as I write, which convey no darts, no flames, but proceed from innocence of foul, and fimplicity of heart. Thank God I am an hundred miles off from those eyes! I would fooner truft your hand than them for doing me mischief; and tho' I doubt not fome part of the rancour and iniquity of your heart will drop into your pen, yet fince it will not attack me on a sudden and unprepar'd, fince I may have time while I break upon your letter to cross myself and say a Pater-nofter, I hope Providence will protect me from all you can attempt at this distance. I am told you are at this hour as handfome as an angel; for my part I have forgot your face fince two winters. You may be grown to a giantess for all I know. I can't tell in any refpect VOL. VII. I

what

what fort of creature you are, only that you are a very mischievous one, whom I fhall ever pray to be defended from. But when your Minister fends me word you have the fmall-pox, a good many freckles, or are very pale, I will defire him to give thanks for it in your parish church; which as foon as he shall inform me he has done, I will make you a vifit without armour : I will eat any thing you give me without fufpicion of poifon, take you by the hand without gloves, nay venture to follow you into an arbour without calling the company. This, Madam, is the top of my withes, but how differently are our defires inclined! You figh out, in the ardour of your heart, Oh play-houses, parks, operas, affemblies, London! I cry with rapture, Oh woods, gardens, rookeries, fish ponds, arbours! Mrs. M.

LETTER III.

To a LADY.

Written on one column of a Letter, while Lady M, wrote to the Lady's Husband on the other.

TH

HE wits would say, that this must needs be a dull letter because it is a married one. I am afraid indeed you will find, what spirit there is, muft be on the fide of the wife, and the husband's part, as ufual, will prove the dulleft, What an unequal pair are put together in this fheet? in which tho' we fin, it is you must do penance. When you look on both fides of this paper, you may fancy that our words (according to a Scripture expreffion) are as a two-edg'd fword, whereof lady M. is the fhining blade, and I only the handle. But I can't proceed without fo far mortifying Sir Robert as to tell him, that the writes this purely in obedience to me, and

that

that it isbut one of thofe honours a husband receives. for the fake of his wife.

It is making court but i to one fine woman to fhew her the regard we have for another; and yet I must own there is not a period of this epiftle but fquints towards another over-against it. It will be in vain to diffemble: your penetrating eyes cannot but difcover, how all the letters that compofe these words lean forward after lady M's letters, which feem to bend as much from mine, and fly from them as faft as they are able. Ungrateful letters that they are! which give themselves to another man, in the very prefence of him who will yield to no mortal, in knowing how to value them.

You will think I forget myself, and am not writ, ing to you; but, let me tell you, 'tis you forget yourfelf in that thought, for you are almoft the only woman to whom one can fafely addrefs the praifes of another. Befides, can you imagine a man of my importance fo ftupid, as to fay fine things to you before your hufband? Let us fee how far Lady M. herself dares do any thing like it, with all the wię and addrefs he is mistress of. If Sir Robert can be fo ignorant (now he is left to himfelf in the country) to imagine any fuch matter, let him know from me, that here in town every thing that lady fays, is taken for fatire. For my part, every body knows it is my conftant practice to fpeak truth, and I never do it more than when I call myself

Your, &c.

YOU

LETTER IV,

OU have put me into fo much gaiety of temper, that there will not be a serious word in this day's letter. No more you'll fay, there would, if I told you the whole ferious bufinefs of the town,

All

All last night I continued with you, tho' your unreasonable regularity drove me out of your doors at three a clock. I dream'd all over the evening's conversation, and faw the little bed in spite of you. In the morning I waked, very angry at your phantom for leaving me fo abruptly.-I know you delight in my mortification. I dined with an old Beauty; the appear'd at the table like a Death's head enamell'd. The Egyptians, you know, had fuch things at their entertainments; but do you think they painted and patched them? However, the last of these objections was foon removed; for the Lady had fo violent an appetite for a falmon, that fhe quickly eat all the patches off her face. She divided the fish into three parts; not equal, God knows; for fhe helped Gay to the head, me to the middle, and making the reft much the largest part, took it herself, and cried very naively, I'll be content with my own tail.

My fupper was as fingular as my dinner. It was with a great Poet and Ode-maker (that is, a great poet out of his wits, or out of his way.) He came to be very hungry; not for want of a dinner (for that I fhould make no jeft of) but, having forgot to dine. He fell most furioufly on the broiled relics of a fhoulder of mutton, commonly call'd a bladebone: he profeffed he never tafted fo exquifite a thing! begged me to tell him what joint it was; wondered he had never heard the name of this joint, or feen it at other tables; and defir'd to know how he might direct his butcher to cut out the fame for the future? And yet this man, fo ignorant in modern butchery, has cut up half an hundred heroes, and quartered five or fix miferable lovers in every tragedy he has written. I have nothing more to tell you to-day.

LET

Y

LETTER V.

The Answer.

OU fhould have my day too, Sir, but indeed I flept it out, and fo I'll give you all that was left, my laft Night's entertainment. You know the company. I went in late, in order to be better received; but unluckily came in, as Deuce-ace was Ainging (Lord H. would fay I came in the Nick.) The Lady colour'd, and the men took the name of the Lord in vain: No body spoke to me, and I fat down disappointed; then affecting a careless air, gap'd, and cried feven or eight times, D'ye win or lofe? I could fafely fay at that moment I had no temptation to any one of the seven, lively fins; and in the innocent way I was, happy had it been for me, if I had died! Moralizing fat I by the hazardtable; I looked upon the uncertainty of riches, the decay of beauty, and the crash of worlds with as much contempt as ever Plato did. But ah! the frailty of human nature! fome ridiculous thought came into my head, weakened my paffions, which burft forth into a violent laughter: I rofe from my feat, and not confidering the juft refentments of the lofing gamefters, hurl'd a ball of paper cross the table, which stop'd the dice, and turn'd up seven inftead of five. Curs'd on all fides, and not knowing where to fly, I threw myself into a chair, which I demolish'd and never spoke a word after. We went to fupper, and a lady said, Miss G. looks prodigiously like a Tree. Every body agreed to it, and I had not curiofity to ask the meaning of that fprightly fancy; Find it out, and let me know. Adieu, 'tis time to drefs, and begin the bufinefs of the day.