Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaint-rally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and ance of you. learned preparations. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion: for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the bearing. Fat. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you,and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. 1 shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection; but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir, Ford I have long loved her, and I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a coting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which bath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pur Fal. Ö, sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it :-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you), by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you tɔ me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Hang bim, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-fa. voured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will s'are him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, Fal. Have you importuned her to such a pur-I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt pose? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night :-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold::-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! -My heart is ready to crack with impatience.Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is Ford. When I have told you that, I have told made. Would any man have thought this?-See you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her abused, my coffers ransack'd, my reputation gnawn mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction at; and I shall not only receive this villanous made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! breeding, admirable discourse, of great admit-names!-Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; tance, authentic in your place and person, gene Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol-cuckold! the SCENE III.-Windsor Park. Enter CAIUS and RUGBY. Caius. Jack Rugby! Rug. Sir. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack? [Exit. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master I am doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice :-A word, monsieur Muck-water. Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat? Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman:--Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, master Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh pro-guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, mised to meet. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come : by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew, your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vi!! go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page. Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Shal. Save you, master doctor Caius. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there, to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy? Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions; is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page. Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where mistress Anne Page is, at a farm house, a feasting and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? : Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt. have deceived me:-how melancholies I am!-I Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your will knog his urinals about his knave's costard, ear: Verefore vill you not meet a-me? when I have good opportunities for the 'ork-'pless my soul ! To shallow rivers, to whose falls Melodious birds sing madrigals; There will we make our peds of roses, And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow. [Sings. Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :-I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, 'Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. for missing your meetings and appointments. Melodious birds sing madrigals: When as I sat in Pabylon, And a thousand vagram posies. To shallow Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby, mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. mine host of the Garter. To shallow rivers, to whose falls— Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welch; soul-curer and body-curer. Heaven prosper the right!-What weapons is he? Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garmaster Shallow, and another gentleman from Frog-avel! Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machimore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. ter. the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir Hugh? no: he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs.-Give me thy Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and Slender. hand, terrestrial; so :-Give me thy hand, celestial; so. — Shal. How now, master parson? Good-morrow, both; I have directed you to wrong places; your Boys of art, I have deceived you good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let and a good student from his book, and it is won-burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. derful. Sten. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good sir Hugh! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and bose, this raw rheumatic day? Era. There is reasons and causes for it. Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ba! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlouting Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, stog.-I desire you, that we may be friends; and master parson. Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Ford. Sir John Falstaff! Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's name. -There is such a league between my good man and be!-Is your wife at home, indeed? Ford. Indeed, she is. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? nath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter. twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot pointblank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!--and Falstaff's boy with her!— Good plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Acteon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, Sir HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. go Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you, all with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly you:-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. for Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love a-me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton ? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday, he smells April and May he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster.-Master doctor, you shall go;-so shall you, master Page;--and you, sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well;--we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him." [Exit Host. Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipewine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles? All. Have with you, to see this monster. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-A Room in Ford's House. Enter Mrs. FORD and Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert! Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the buck-bas ket Mrs. Ford. I warrant :-What, Robin, I say. Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering,) take this basket on your shoulders that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: Be gone, and come when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter ROBIN. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you? Rob. My master, sir John, is come in at your back-door, mistress Ford; and requests your company. Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us? Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so:- Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mistress Page, remember you your cue. [Exit ROBIN. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. [Exit Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. Go to then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion;-we'll teach him how to know turtles from jays. Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition; O this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Fal. Let the court of France show me such another; I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: Thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. man, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him.-O, how have you deceived me! Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so thou would'st-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonmake an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it. me. Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple-time, I cannot but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you love mistress Page. Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, Heaven knows, how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. else I could not be in that mind. Rob. [Within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so she's a very tattling [FALSTAFF hides himself. woman. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion ?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you? Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: You are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.—[Aside.]—'Tis not so, I hope. Mrs. Page. Pray Heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your husband's coming with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you: If you know yourself clear, why I am glad of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good hfe for ever. out. able stature, be may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or, it is whiting-time, send him by your two men to Datchet-mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: What shall I do? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in; follow your friend's counsel;-I'll in. Mrs. Page. What! Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? away: let me creep in here; I'll never— Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men, mistress Ford-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What John, Robert, John! [Exit clothes here, quickly; where's the cowl-staff? look, ROBIN. Re-enter Servants.]-Go take up these how you drumble; carry them to the laundress in Datchet-mead; quickly, come. Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buckwashing. Ford. Buck? I wish I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too; it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys; ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox-Let me stop this way first:-so, now uncape. Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do Mrs. Ford. What shall I do?-There is a gentle-him a benefit. |