afford you a pint of port at night, two fervants, and an old maid, a little garden, and a pen and ink-provided you live in the country-Have you no scheme either in verfe or profe? The Duchess should keep you: at hard meat, and by that means force you to write; and fo I have done with you.

Madam,

Since I began to grow old, I have found all ladies become inconftant, without any reproach from their confcience. If I wait on you, I declare that one of your women (which ever it is that has defigns upon a Chaplain) must be my nurse, if I happen to be fick or peevish at your house, and in that cafe you must fuspend your domineering-Claim till I recover. Your omitting the ufual appendix to Mr Gay's letters hath done me infinite mischief here; for while you continued them, you would wonder how civil the Ladies here were to me, and how much they have altered fince. I dare not confefs that I have defcended fo low as to write to your Grace, after the abominable neglect you have been guilty of; for if they but fufpected it, I should lose them all. One of them, who had an inklin of the matter (your Grace will hardly believe it) refufed to beg my pardon upon her knees, for once neglecting to make my rice-milk-Pray, confider this, and do your duty, or dread the confequence. I promise you shall have your will fix minutes every hour at Aimbury, and feven in London, while I am in health: but if I happen to be fick, I muft govern to

a fecond. Yet properly speaking, there is no man a. live with so much truth and respect your Grace's most obedient and devoted fervant.

LETTER LIV.

Aug. 28. 1731.

OU and the Duchefs ufe me very ill, for, I profefs, I cannot distinguish the style or the hand-writing of either. I think her Grace writes more like you than herself, and that you write more like her Grace than yourself. I would fwear the beginning of your letter writ by the Duchefs, though it is to pass for yours; because there is a curfed lie in it, that she is neither young nor healthy, and befides it perfectly resembles the part she owns. I will likewise fwear, that what I muft fuppofe is written by the Duchefs, is your hand; and thus I am puzzled and perplexed between you, but I will go on in the innocency of my own heart. I am got eight miles from our famous metropolis, to a country Parfon's, to whom I lately gave a City-living, such as an English Chaplain would leap at. I retired hither for the public good, having two great works in hand: One to reduce the whole politeness, wit, humour, and ftyle of England into a fhort fyftem, for the ufe of all perfons of quality, and particularly the maids of honour *. The other is of almoft equal importance; I may call Wagstaff's Dialogues of polite Converfation, published in his

life time.

it the whole duty of fervants, in about twenty feveral ftations, from the fteward and waiting-woman down to the fcullion and pantry-boy *—I believe no mortal had ever fuch fair Invitations, as to be happy in the best company of England. I wish I had liberty to print your letter with my own comments upon it. There was a fellow in Ireland, who, from a fhoe-boy, grew to be several times one of the chief governors, wholly illiterate, and with hardly common fense: A Lord Lieutenant told the first King George, that he was the greatest fubject he had in both kingdoms; and truly this character was gotten and preferved by his never appearing in England, which was the only wife thing he ever did, except purchafing fixteen thoufand pounds a year-Why, you need not ftare: it is easily apply'd: I must be abfent, in order to preferve my credit with her Grace-Lo here comes in the Duchefs again (I know her by her d d's; but am a fool for discovering my Art) to defend herself against my conjecture of what fhe faid-Madam, I will imitate your Grace and write to you upon the fame line. I own it is a base unromantic fpirit in me, to fufpend the honour of waiting at your Grace's feet, till I can finish a paltry law-fuit. It concerns indeed almost all my whole fortune; it is equal to half Mr Pope's, and two thirds of Mr Gay's, and about fix weeks rent of your Grace's. This curfed

* An imperfect thing of this kind, call'd Directions to fervants in general, has been published fince his death.

accident hath drill'd away the whole fummer. But, Madam, understand one thing, that I take all your ironical civilities in a literal fenfe, and whenever I have the honour to attend you, shall expect them to be literally performed: though perhaps I fhall find it hard to prove your hand-writing in a Court of juftice; but that will not be much for your credit. How mi. ferably hath your Grace been mistaken in thinking to avoid Envy by running into exile, where it haunts you more than ever it did even at Court? Non te civitas, non Regia domus in exilium miferunt fed tu utraque. So fays Cicero (as your Grace knows) or fo he might

have faid.

I am told that the Craftsman in one of his papers is offended with the publishers of (I fuppofe) the laft edition of the Dunciad; and I was asked whether you and Mr Pope were as good friends to the new difgraced perfon as formerly? This I knew nothing of, but fuppofe it was the confequence of fome mistake. As to writing, I look on you just in the prime of life for it, the very feafon when judgment and invention draw together. But schemes are perfectly accidental; fome will appear barren of hints and matter, but prove to be fruitful; and others the contrary: And what you fay, is past doubt, that every one can best find hints for himself: though it is possible that fometimes a friend may give you a lucky one juft fuited to your own imagination. But all this is almost past with me: my invention and judgment are perpetually at fifty-cuffs, till they have quite difabled each other: and the meerest trifles I ever wrote are serious philofophical lucubrations, in comparison to what I now busy myself about;

as (to speak in the author's phrase) the world may

one day fee.

LETTER LV.

Sept. 10. 1731.

IF your ramble was on horfeback, I am glad of it on

patching up a journey between ftage-coaches and friends coaches: for you are as arrant a cockney as any hofier in Cheapfide. One clean fhirt with two cravats, and as many handkerchiefs, make up your equipage; and as for a night-gown, it is clear from Ho--mer, that Agamemnon rose without one. I have often had it in my head to put it into yours, that you ought to have some great work in fcheme, which may take up feven years to finish, befides two or three under ones, that may add another thousand pound to your ftock: and then I fhall be in lefs pain about you. I know you can find dinners, but you love twelve-penny coaches too well, without confidering that the intereft of a whole thousand pounds brings you but half a crown a day. I find a greater longing than ever to come amongst you; and reafon good, when I am teazed with Dukes and Ducheffes for a vifit, all my demands comply'd with, and all excufes cut off. You remember, "O happy Don Quixote! Queens "held his horfe, and Ducheffes pulled off his armour.” or fomething to that purpose. He was a mean spirited fellow; I can fay ten times more! O happy, &c. fuch a Duchefs was defigned to attend him, and fuch a Duke invited him to command his Palace.

Nam iftos