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SATIRE UPON GAMING.
W bat fool would trouble Fortune more, when she has been too kind before; or tempt her to take back again what she had thrown away in vain, by idly vent'ring her good graces to be dispos'd of by ames-aces; or settling it in trust to uses out of his pow'r, on trays and deuses ; to put it to the chance and try, j'th' ballot of a box and dye, whether bis money be his own, and lose it, if he be o'erthrown ; as if he were betray'd and set by his own stars to ev'ry cheat, or wretchedly condemn’d by Fate to throw dice for his own estate; as mutineers, by fatal doom, do for their lives upon a drum? for what less influence can produce so great a monster as a chouse, or any two-legg'd thing possess with such a brutish sottishness? unless those tutelary stars, entrusted by astrologers to have the charge of man, combin'd to use him in the self-same kind; as those that help'd them to the trust, are wont to deal with others just. For to become so sadly dull aud stupid, as to fine for gull,
(not as, in cities, to b’excus'd, but to be judg'd fit to be us’d) that whosoe'er can draw it in is sure inevitably twin, and, with a cursd half-witted fate, to grow more dully desperate, the more 't is made a cominon prey, and cheated foppishly, at play, is their condition, Fate betrays to Folly first, and then destroys. For what but miracles can serve so great a madness to preserve, as his, that ventures goods and chattels (where there's no quarter giv'n) in battles, and knights with money bags as bold, as men with sandbags did of old; puts lands, and tenements, and stocks, into a paltry juggler's box; and, like an alderman of Gotham, embarketh in so vile a bottom; engages blind and senseless hap 'gainst high, and low, and slur, and knap, , (as Tartars with a man of straw encounter lions hand to paw) with those that never venture more than they 'ad safely' ensur'd before who, when they knock the box, and shake, do, like the Indian rattlesnake, but strive to ruin and destroy those that mistake it for fair play;. that have their fulhams at command, brought up to do their feats at hand; that understand their calls and knocks, and how to place themselves i' th' box;
can tell the oddses of all games, and when to answer to their names; and, when he conjures them t appear, like imps are ready ev'ry where; when to play foul, and when run fair, (out of design) upon the square, and let the greedy cully win, only to draw him further in; while those with which he idly plays, have no regard to what he says, although he jernie and blaspheme, when they miscarry, heav'n and them, and damn his soul, and swear, and curse and crucify his Saviour worse than those Jew-troopers that threw out, when they were raffing for his coat; denounce revenge, as if they heard, and rightly understood and fear'd, and wou'd take heed another time how to commit to bold a crime; when the poor bones are innocent of all he did, or said, or meant, . and have as little sense, almost, as he that damns them when he 'as lost; as if he had rely'd upon their judgment rather than his own ; and that it were their fault, not his, that manag'd them himself amiss, and gave them ill insructions how to run, as he wou'd have them do and then condemns them sillily for having no more wit than he ? '
SATIRE UPON DRUNKENNESS. 'Tis pity wine, which Nature meant to man in kindness to present, and gave him kindly to caress and cherish his frail happiness, of equal virtue to renew his weary'd mind and body too, shou'd (like the cyder-tree in Eden, which only grew to be forbidden) no sooner came to be enjoy'd, but th' owner's fatally destroy'd; and that which she for good design'd,' becomes the ruin of mankind, that for a little vain excess runs out of all its happiness, and makes the friend of Truth and Love their greatest adversary prove; ť abuse a blessing she bestow'd so truly essentially to his good, to countervail his pensive cares, and slavish drudgery of affairs ; to teach him judgment, wit, and sense, and more than all these, confidence; to pass his times of recreation in choice and noble conversation, catch truth and reason anawares, as men do health in wholesome airs; (while fools their conversants possess as unawares with sottishness) to gain access a private way to man's best sense, by its own key, which painful judgers strive in vain
by any other course ť obtain; to pull off all disguise, and view things as they're natural and true; discover fools and knaves, allow'd for wise and honest in the crowd; with innocent and virtuous sport make short days long, and long nights' short, and mirth, the only antidote against diseases e'er they ’re got to save health harmless from th'access both of the med'cine and disease; or make it help itself, secure against the desperai'st fit, the cure,
All these sublime prerogatives of happiness to human lives, he vainly throws away, and slights for madness, noise, and bloody fights; when nothing can decide, but swords and pots, the right or wrong of words, like princes' titles; and he's outed the justice of his cause that's routed.
No sooner has a charge been founded With-Son of a whore, and Damn'd confounded, and the bold signal giv’n, ihe lie, but instantly the bottles fly, where cups and glasses are small shot, and cannon-ball a pewter-pot: that blood, that's hardly in the vein, is now reinanded back again ; though sprung from wine of the same piece and near akin, within degrees, strives to commit assassinations on its own natural relations; and those twin-spirits, so kind-hearted,