Thy holy will, providence, and protection.

I protest with heart and mouth that I now am, and henceforth will be, entirely Thine; that I have nothing, seek nothing, fear nothing, desire nothing, demand nothing, want nothing, will nothing, but Thee only, my Lord, my Love, and my All!

And I firmly purpose to serve and love Thee, O sacred and supreme Majesty, simply, sincerely, purely, and perseverantly, not for any fear of pains or punishment; not for any self-interest of what this world can offer, or the next afford; not for the least hope of heaven or happiness; but I will Thee, seek Thee, and love Thee for Thyself only, O my all-sufficient Lord God, Who art the sole object, sweet completement, and solid contentment of my soul. Pardon me, protect me, and provide for me; for Thou art my only hope and happiness.

TUESDAY.

TO OBTAIN KNOWLEDGE OF AND DIFFIDENCE IN OURSELVES.

The Second Exercise.

1. WHAT is man, O omnipotent Creator, what is this man, that Thou shouldst be mindful of him? He is nothing, O Lord, and I am the worst and least of these nothings, because I have least corresponded to Thy grace, and made worst use of Thy gifts. O, give me light; reach forth Thy hand to this blind creature crying after Thee, O Thou true Light of the world and

Life of my soul, that now at length I may duly, diligently, cordially, and abyssfully dive into my own baseness, weakness, misery, nothingness; that, knowing what I truly am, I may really loathe, hate, distrust, despise, and deny myself and all my own proceedings, sincerely love Thee, only trust and hope in Thee, and rely wholly upon Thy divine providence and protection.

I am not only content, O my Lord God, but even willing and desirous, that all Thy creatures should take me and treat me according to my true condition and unworthiness. And I am resolved by Thy grace to humble myself, not only under Thy mighty hand, but also under the feet of all creatures, as their servant and slave, to be trodden on, abhorred, avoided, and detested by them all as a sink of sin and filthiness.

I will be desirous to be esteemed and used as dross amongst metals, chaff amongst grain, a wolf amongst sheep, and as Satan amongst the children of God.

I acknowledge myself as unworthy of all grace and comfort from God or man, and worthy of all pain, punishment, crosses, contradictions, confusion, desolation, death, damnation. I will be henceforth ashamed to complain of any grievance, and be content to suffer whatsoever the world, the devil, and hell itself can inflict upon me.

2. And to strengthen this my resolution, I will rationally consider before Thee, O my Lord, what I really am, what I was, and what will become of me, both touching my body, my soul, and my whole being.

Ay me! I have a body all clay, a soul all sin, a life all frailty, and a substance all nothing. And this is all I have to vaunt of in Thy presence, O my Lord and my Maker.

My material part is but slime of the earth, the very worst part of the basest element. Ah, poor man! and canst thou look so big, who camest from so low an extraction? Be ashamed to lift up thy head, vile mud and dirt, since thy pedigree is so well known, and the ingredients of thy being are so mean and contemptible.

And when I consider what this my body was in the womb, how it was conceived in concupiscence, nourished with filthiness, and brought up in darkness, I am ashamed to own my own beginning, which is so horrid and loathsome. Who, then, can justly boast of state, strength, beauty, or nobility, since the groundwork of all is but a little dung and corruption?

Ah, poor worm! what a dismal prison wert thou detained in for nine months' space of thy time, what nasty and poisonous food was thy diet, how weak and woful thy infancy! And what art thou in thy best and most flourishing condition in the world, but a clog and a cage to thy enthralled soul; a painted sack or plastered* sepulchre, full of filth, froth, and ordure! O my Lord, give me grace to frame an impartial judgment of what I am, and then how soon shall I check all risings of pride and presumption !

3. I came into this world, O my Lord, with groans

and tears; I live in it with griefs and cares; I shall go out of it with pangs and fears; and lastly, I must become a horror to the eyes of my dearest friends, a prey of vermin, and a companion of rottenness. Ah! how canst thou be proud of thy perfections, poor clay and ashes? Why shouldst thou look to be so highly prized and so daintily pampered, thou stinking puddle? Dust thou art, and to dust thou must return. Hast thou not always before thy eyes these ashes for thy glass, and death for thy mistress? Why, then, dost thou suffer so many sparkles of vanity to arise from this thy caitiff condition?

And thou, my poor soul, the spiritual part of my composition, O what shall I say of thee to thy great Lord and Maker? What thou hast hitherto been I well know-wretched, wicked, sinful. What thou now art I know not, being uncertain of God's grace and love. What thou shalt be hereafter, I am altogether ignorant of, because doubtful of thy correspondency with grace, and fearful of thy perseverance in goodness.

Ah, sad condition! I came, O my Lord, into this world in original sin, I am bred up in actual sin, and if death and deadly sin meet together, I shall feel the smart of them both eternally. O how much need, then, have I of Thy grace, O merciful Lord God, to avoid sin, since I cannot eschew death! O let me rather admit a deadly wound than commit a deadly sin!

4. What art thou, then, O my whole man, consisting of body and of soul? What art thou, O N... ., from all

eternity, before thy conception in the womb and birth into the world? Nothing. Ah, poor nothing! What is less than nothing? Where dwells this nothing? Who can describe a nothing which more differs from the least atom in the sun, than God's infinite greatness from the least of his creatures? O proud thing! what hast thou that thou hast not received? Nothing. Why, then, art thou puffed up with it as if thou hadst not received it? I acknowledge my whole being to be from Thy bounty, O my great, good, and glorious Maker; and since I possess nothing but what I have from Thee, since I shall also necessarily fade away into my first nothing if Thou withdraw from me Thy conserving hand for a moment, I will no longer glory in that which is none of mine, but I will here lay the foundation of my spiritual edifice upon this sure and solid foundation of Thy All, and my own nothingness. I will endeavour to frame a true conceit of my own misery, frailty, insufficiency, and nothingness, that so I may fully, speedily, and solidly come to this desired self-knowledge and humility.*

*All our works, O Lord, hast Thou wrought for us (Isaias xxvi. 12). In all things nothing is left for man to boast concerning himself, either concerning his own virtue or his own operation; but all his glorying is in the wholeness of God, and that the only thing which belongs to himself is nothing. By this means he becometh wholly lost in himself, and cannot in any way find himself, but in God he findeth himself whole, in Whom he dwelleth with enough of quietness and security. And for this he exulteth greatly, namely, that all occasion hath been taken from him of glorying in himself, that God may be all in all (1 Cor. xv. 28). And in that he thus stands, he needeth no glory or praise, for he is full, and the plenitude of God Himself is in him. But wheresoever he desireth glory, there he is convinced he is altogether empty and without glory; for nowhere doth he seek anything,