John Kemble.

Perhaps no man ever acted so completely up to a character as Kemble. For the time he almost imagined himself to be the very thing he represented. The following example to the above rule happened one night at a provincial theatre, when John performed the character of Brutus. The unfortunate wight who that evening represented Mark Antony, fatigued by his exertions, sought, behind the scenes, refreshment from a tankard of cool porter. John, making an exit from the stage, caught the noble Antony in the very act! He shrank aghast from the horrid sight! Mark Antony drinking porter!!! Kemble struck the offending pewter-pot from the luckless actor's hands; ran to his tiring room, threw. himself on a sofa; and much time elapsed before his brother actors could prevail upon him to continue the performance.

Like the Ministry.

Lord North, exulting over Charles Fox, on the news, in an extraordinary gazette, of New-York being conquered, the patriotic wit replied, "It is a mistake, sir; New-York is not conquered; it is only, like the ministry, abandoned !"

A Bonne Bouche.

An elderly lady, on a visit at Margate, went into the market, having made up her mind to buy a goose. There were but two in the market, both in the custody of a little cherry-cheeked lass from Birchington, who, to the surprise of her customer, positively refused to sell one without the other. Re

collecting that a neighbour had also expressed a wish for one, the lady was, without much difficulty, prevailed on to take both. When the bargain was concluded, however, she thought proper to inquire of the vendor, why she had so peremptorily declined selling them separately? "If you please, my lady, was the naïve answer, "mother said as how the geese had lived together fifteen years, and it would be cruel to part them."

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Ready Money Legacy.

An English stock-jobber, known for his unexampled parsimony, although possessed of an immense fortune, one day met a very poor man, one of his own relations. "Come hither, George," said the miser: "do you know I have just now made my will, and remembered you handsomely, my boy?" "God bless your honour," said the grateful man, you will be rewarded for so charitable an action, for you could not have thought of a more distressed family." "Are you indeed so very poor, George ?" Sir, my family's starving!" said the man, almost crying. "Harkye, then, George, if you will allow me a good discount, I will pay your legacy immediately." We need not add, that the terms were accepted of, and that they parted equally pleased with the bargain they had concluded.

Equity.

A gentleman, resident at Harrow, made frequent complaints to the masters of the great school there, of his garden being stripped of its fruit, even before it became ripe-but to no purpose. Tired of applying to the masters for redress, he at length appealed to the boys and, sending for one to his house, he

said, "Now, my good fellow, I'll make this agreement with you and your companions: let the fruit remain on the trees till it becomes ripe, and I promise to give you half." The boy coolly replied, "I can say nothing to the proposition, sir, myself, but will make it known to the rest of the boys, and inform you of their decision to-morrow." To-morrow came, and brought with it this reply: "The gentlemen of Harrow cannot agree to receive so unequal a share, since Mr. is an individual, and we are many."

Ben Barrett.

The facetious Ben Barrett, well known to every body in this country as a lover of fun and whiskey, while standing on the wharf in Albany, a great while ago, offered to bet a dollar that he could throw a man across the Hudson to Greenbush. A bystander accepted the bet, when Ben immediately seized and plunged him into the river. After some little exer tion, he got ashore and demanded the stakes."Why," says Ben, "I didn't succeed the first time, to be sure; but I'll try a hundred times, if I don't do it without!"

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Lord O

No Deep Play.

saying that he made a point of never playing beyond the line of his own understanding; Now, my lord," said the Countess of Buckinghamshire, "I see the reason you never play deep."

Philology.

A gentleman passing the shop of Mr. Haswel, tea-dealer, observed, his name would be as well without an H.

Johnson and Rousseau.

When Dr. Johnson was told that Rousseau's Confessions would contain, every motive that had induced him to act in every situation; "Then," replied he, "if he was an honest man, his book will not be worth a farthing."

Good Advertisement.

Stephen Kemble happening to pass through Newport Market, the butchers set up their usual cry of "What d'ye buy? What d'ye buy?” Stephen parried this for some time, by saying, he did not want any thing. At last, a butcher started from his stall, and eyeing Stephen's figure from top to bottom, which certainly did not indicate that he fed on air, exclaimed, "Well, sir, though you do not now want any thing, only say you'll buy your meat of me, and you will make my fortune."

Total Abstinence.

Parson A. belonged to a Temperance Society, all total abstinence men; one of his friends had strange misgivings of the minister's cold water propensities. Pray, Mr. A.," said he, "what is meant by total abstinence?" "Why," answered the shrewd clergyman, with a sly sneer, " it means not to drink so fast as to choke yourself."

Fellow Feeling.

Dr. A, physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry, in order to reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, he dwelt so long on the fellow's

misconduct, as to raise his choler, and draw from him this expression:-"Sir, I was in hopes you would have treated my failings with more gentleness, or that you would have been the last man alive to appear against me, as I have covered so many blunders of yours!”

Striking Analogy.

Bate Dudley had been telling a story to the Anacreontic Club, which purported to be entirely new, and which caused a great deal of laughter. Hewardine then observed, that the anecdote related by Mr. Dudley put him in mind of another nearly as facetious. He then repeated some venerable affair, which, whatever was its point, bore no more resemblance to Dudley's, than a white egg to a black hen. When it was concluded, Dudley turned to Hewardine with a stare of surprise, and observed, "That was a very humorous circumstance; but I can't see how my anecdote could remind you of it!" "No!" said Tom. "Why, I'll tell you, your story is at the top of the leaf, page 17, Miller's old edition, and mine follows at the bottom!"

The Fast-Day.

A gentleman who employs a great number of hands in a manufactory in the west of England, in order to encourage his work-people in a due attendance at church, on a fast-day, told them, that if they went to church they would receive their wages for that day, in the same manner as if they had been at work. Upon which a deputation was appointed to acquaint their employer, that "if he would pay them for over hours, they would attend likewise at the Methodist chapel in the evening!”