the house of a neighbour, where he passed some days in an idle way, occasionally paying visits to his old acquaintance in the vicinity, and sometimes even passing his master's door, which he invariably refused to enter-turning a deaf ear to the solicitations of himself and family, who at last gave over all hopes of reconciliation-when to their surprise, he rushed into his master's house, and was actually riotous in his manifestations of joy at meeting the inmates, where he has since remained perfectly contented, to the satisfaction of all parties.

Bow-Street Bon-Mot.

A lady went into the Police Office, Bow Street, and inquired the price of some fur and silk articles. Townsend quizzingly replied, “Oh, ma'am, we're all fair and above board-we've no cloaks here." To which the lady rejoined, "Sir, I beg pardon; I really thought that this was the celebrated pelisse office."

Breaking up of a Nursery.

The organ of early destructiveness sometimes exhibits itself in a droll way. The mother of a family was one day saying, that as soon as the youngest child was of such an age, she would break up the nursery. "La, mamma!" said one of the children, "that will be fine sport-I'll break up the chairs, and John shall break up the tables."

Wit of a Resurrectionist.

A large party of soldiers surprising two resurrection men in a churchyard, the officer, seizing one of them, asked him what he had to say for himself

"Say, sir," replied the surgeon's provider, "why, that we came here to raise a corpse, and not a regiment."

A Yorkshire Eating Match.

There was a famous eating match at a village in Yorkshire, between two men, named Gubbins and Muggins, which caused a great deal of interest in the neighbourhood; and a countryman, leaving the place before the match was decided, was stopped by almost every one on the road with "Who beats? how does the match get on ?" &c.: to which he answered, "Why, I doant exactly know-they say Gubbins 'll get it; but I thinks Muggins 'll bet 'un yet, for when I leaft he was oanly two geese and a torkey behind him!"

Mistake of the Press.

An important house in New-York had occasion to advertise for sale a quantity of Brass Hoppers, such as are used in coffee-mills. But instead of Brass Hoppers the newspaper read Grasshoppers. In a short time the merchant's counting-room was thronged with inquirers respecting the new article of merchandise.

"Good morning, Mr. Invoice; how do you sell grasshoppers?" said a fat merchant. "What are they worth a hogshead?"

The importer was astonished; but before he had time to reply, in came a druggist, who being bent on speculation, determined to purchase a whole lot, provided he could get them low. Taking the importer aside for fear of being overheard by the merchant, he asked him how he sold his grasshoppers; if they were prime quality; and whether they were

to be used in medicine. The importer was about opening his mouth to reply in an angry manner to what he began to suspect was a conspiracy to torment him, when a doctor entered smelling at his cane and looking wondrous wise.

"Mr. Invoice," said he, "ahem! will you be good enough to show me a specimen of your grass. hoppers?"

"Grasshoppers! grasshoppers!" exclaimed the importer, as soon as he had a chance to speak-" what, gentlemen, do you mean by grasshoppers?"

"Mean" said the merchant: "why, I perceive you have advertised the article for sale."

"Certainly," said the druggist, "and when a man advertises an article, it is natural for him to expect inquiries relating to the price and quality of the thing."

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Nothing in the world more natural," said the doctor. "As for myself, I have at present a number of cases on hand in which I thought the article might be serviceable-but since you are so-ahem! so uncivil-why I must look out elsewhere, and my patients"

“You and your patience be hanged !” interrupted the importer; "mine is fairly worn out, and if you don't explain yourselves, gentlemen, I'll lay this poker over your heads."

To save their heads, the advertisement was now referred to, when the importer found out the cause of his vexations by reading the following: "Just landed and for sale by Inyoice & Co., ten hogsheads prime grasshoppers."

All gone out.

A gentleman having appointed to meet his friend on particular business, went to his house and

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mistress

knocked at the door, which was opened by a servant girl. He informed her he wanted her master. "He is gone out, sir," said she. “Then your will do," said the gentleman. "She," said the girl, "is gone out too." My business is of consequence," returned he; "is your master's son at home?" "No, sir," replied the girl, "he is gone out." "That's unlucky indeed," replied he; "but perhaps it may not be long before they return; I will step in and sit by your fire." "Oh, sir," said the girl," the fire is gone out too." Upon which the gentleman bade her inform her master, that he did not expect to be received so coolly.

Matrimony.

Bishop Andrews, the favourite preacher of King James the First, in his sermon on matrimony, says that ten women are driven to the altar for one that is led to it.

Difference between Whigs and Tories.

"Pray, Monsieur l'Ambassadeur," said the late King of France one day at his levee, "what do you take to be the difference between a Whig and a Tory?" "Please your majesty," was the reply, "I conceive the difference to be merely nominal; the Tories are Whigs when they want places, and the Whigs are Tories when they have got them."

The Pretender's Health.

There was not much wit, but there was some good humour in the reply George II. made to a lady, who, at the first masquerade his majesty was at in Eng. land, invited him to drink a glass of wine at one of the beaufets. With this he readily complied, and

to be used in medicine. The importer was about opening his mouth to reply in an angry manner to what he began to suspect was a conspiracy to torment him, when a doctor entered smelling at his cane and looking wondrous wise.

"Mr. Invoice," said he, "ahem! will you be good enough to show me a specimen of your grass. hoppers?"

"Grasshoppers! grasshoppers!" exclaimed the importer, as soon as he had a chance to speak-" what, gentlemen, do you mean by grasshoppers?"

"Mean" said the merchant: "why, I perceive you have advertised the article for sale."

"Certainly," said the druggist," and when a man advertises an article, it is natural for him to expect inquiries relating to the price and quality of the thing."

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Nothing in the world more natural," said the doctor. "As for myself, I have at present a number of cases on hand in which I thought the article might be serviceable-but since you are so-ahem! so uncivil-why I must look out elsewhere, and my patients"

“You and your patience be hanged!" interrupted the importer; "mine is fairly worn out, and if you don't explain yourselves, gentlemen, I'll lay this poker over your heads."

To save their heads, the advertisement was now referred to, when the importer found out the cause of his vexations by reading the following: "Just landed and for sale by Inyoice & Co., ten hogsheads prime grasshoppers."

All gone out.

A gentleman having appointed to meet his friend on particular business, went to his house and