gentlemen what thou canst do; speak a huff-; ing10 part; I warrant you, the gentlemen will accept of it. Cit. Do, Ralph, do. Ralph. "By Heaven, methinks, it were an easy leap Cit. Ay.-Come, wife. Wife. Sit you merry all, gentlemen; I'm bold to sit amongst you for my ease. [Citizen and wife sit down. S. of Prol. "From all that's near the court, from all that's great, To pluck bright honour from the pale-faced Within the compass of the city-walls, moon; Or dive into the bottom of the sea, Cit. How say you, gentlemen, is it not as Wife. Nay, gentlemen, he hath played before, my husband says, Mucedorus,12 before the wardens of our company. We now have brought our scene. Fly far from All private taxes,17 immodest phrases, Thus much for that we do; but for Ralph's part you must answer for yourself. Cit. Take you no care for Ralph; he'll dis Cit. Ay, and he should have played Jero- charge himself, I warrant you. nimo12 with a shoemaker for a wager. S. of Prol. He shall have a suit of apparel, if he will go in. Cit. In, Ralph, in Ralph; and set out the grocery in their kind,13 if thou lovest me. [Exit Ralph. Wife. I warrant, our Ralph will look finely when he's dressed. S. of Prol. But what will you have it called? Cit. "The Grocer's Honour." Methinks The Knight of the Burning Pestle" were better. Wife. I'll be sworn, husband, that's as good a name as can be. [Exit Speaker of Prologue. Wife. I'faith, gentlemen, I'll give my word for Ralph. ACT I, SCENE III. Enter Ralph, as a Grocer, reading Palmerin of [Wife. Oh, husband, husband, now, now! there's Ralph, there's Ralph. Cit. Peace, fool! let Ralph alone.-Hark you, Ralph; do not strain yourself too much at Cit. Let it be so.—Begin, begin; my wife the first.-Peace!-Begin, Ralph.] and I will sit down. S. of Prol. I pray you, do. Ralph. [Reads.] Then Palmerin and Trineus, snatching their lances from their dwarfs, Cit. What stately music have you? you and clasping their helmets, galloped amain after have shawms? S. of Prol. Shawms! no. Cit. No! I'm a thief, if my mind did not give1 me so. Ralph plays a stately part, and he must needs have shawms: I'll be at the charge of them myself, rather than we'll be without them. S. of Prol. So you are like to be. Cit. Why, and so I will be: there's two shillings;-[Gives money.]-let's have the the giant; and Palmerin, having gotten a sight of him, came posting amain, saying, "Stay, traitorous thief! for thou mayst not so carry away her, that is worth the greatest lord in the world; and, with these words, gave him a blow on the shoulder, that he struck him besides his elephant. And Trineus, coming to the knight that had Agricola behind him, set him soon besides his horse, with his neck broken in the fall; so that the princess, getting out of the throng, between joy and grief, said, “All happy knight, the mirror of all such as follow arms, now may I be well assured of the love thou bearest me.'-I wonder why the kings do S. of Prol. You shall have them. Will you not raise an army of fourteen or fifteen hunsit down, then? dred thousand men, as big as the army that the Prince of Portigo brought against Rosicleer,20 and destroy these giants; they do much hurt to wandering damsels, that go in quest of give all the shoes in their shop for him.] their knights. [Wife. Faith, husband, and Ralph says true; for they say the King of Portugal cannot sit at his meat, but the giants and the ettins21 will come and snatch it from him. Cit. Hold thy tongue.-On, Ralph!] Ralph. And certainly those knights are much to be commended, who, neglecting their possessions, wander with a squire and a dwarf through the deserts to relieve poor ladies. [Wife. Ay, by my faith, are they, Ralph; let 'em say what they will, they are indeed. Our knights neglect their possessions well enough, but they do not the rest.] Ralph. But what brave spirit could be content to sit in his shop, with a flappet22 of wood, and a blue apron before him, selling mithridatum and dragon's-water23 to visited24 houses, that might pursue feats of arms, and, through his noble achievements, procure such a famous history to be written of his heroic prowess? [Cit. Well said, Ralph; some more of those words, Ralph. Wife. They go finely, by my troth.] Ralph. Why should not I, then, pursue this course, both for the credit of myself and our company? for amongst all the worthy books of achievements, I do not call to mind that I yet read of a grocer-errant: I will be the said knight. Have you heard of any that hath wandered unfurnished of his squire and dwarf? My elder prentice Tim shall be my trusty squire, and little George my dwarf. Hence, my blue apron! Yet, in remembrance of my former trade, upon my shield shall be portrayed a Burning Pestle, and I will be called the Knight of the Burning Pestle. [Wife. Nay, I dare swear thou wilt not forget thy old trade; thou wert ever meek.] Ralph. Tim! Tim. Anon. Ralph. My beloved squire, and George my dwarf, I charge you that from henceforth you never call me by any other name but "the right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle;" and that you never call any female by the name of a woman or wench, but "fair lady," if she have her desires, if not, "distressed damsel;" that you call all forests and heaths "deserts," and all horses "palfreys." Ralph. My beloved squire Tim, stand out. Admit this were a desert, and over it a knighterrant pricking,25 and I should bid you inquire of his intents, what would you say? Tim. Sir, my master sent me to know whither you are riding? Ralph. No, thus: "Fair sir, the right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle commanded me to inquire upon what adventure you are bound, whether to relieve some distressed damsel, or otherwise.'' [Cit. Scurvy blockhead, cannot remember! Wife. I'faith, and Ralph told him on't b fore: all the gentlemen heard him.-Did he not, gentlemen? did not Ralph tell him on 't ] George. Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, here is a distressed dartsel to have a halfpenny-worth of pepper. [Wife. That's a good boy! see, the little boy can hit it; by my troth, it's a fine child.] Ralph. Relieve her, with all courteous language. Now shut up shop; no more my prentices, but my trusty squire and dwarf. I must bespeak26 my shield and arming pestle. [Excunt Tim and George. Ralph. What say you, mistress? Ralph. By and by.] [Exit. [In the main plot, Jasper Merrythought has been dismissed by his employer for falling in love with his employer's daughter. His father takes his part, but his mother is incensed, and taking her younger son, Michael, and her money and jewels, she leaves her home, and the two are wandering in Waltham Forest, when Ralph comes on the scene.] ACT II, SCENE II. Enter Mistress Merrythought and Michael. Mist. Mer. Come, Michael; art thou not weary, boy? Mich. No, forsooth, mother, not I. Where be we now, child? Mich. Indeed, forsooth, mother, I cannot [Wife. This is very fine, faith.-Do the gen- tell, unless we be at Mile-End: Is not all the tlemen like Ralph, think you, husband? Cit. Ay, I warrant thee; the players would world Mile-End, mother? Mist. Mer. No. Michael, not all the world, boy; but I can assure thee, Michael, Mile-End 25 riding 26 order this Pestle 201 is a goodly matter: there has been a pitch- Go, squire, and say, the Knight, that wears field,27 my child, between the naughty Spaniels and the Englishmen; and the Spaniels ran away, Michael, and the Englishmen followed: my neighbour Coxstone was there, boy, and killed them all with a birding-piece. Mich. Mother, forsooth Mist. Mer. What says my white boy28? Mich. Shall not my father go with us too? Mist. Mer. No, Michael, let thy father go snick-up; 29 let him stay at home, and sing for his supper, boy. Come, child, sit down, and I'll show my boy fine knacks, indeed. [They sit down: and she takes out a casket.] Look here, Michael; here's a ring, and here's a brooch, and here's a bracelet, and here's two rings more, and here's money and gold by th' eye,30 my boy. In honour of all ladies, swears revenge [Exit. Ralph. My trusty dwarf and friend, reach me my shield; And hold it while I swear. First, by my Then by the soul of Amadis de Gaul,33 Mich. Shall I have all this, mother? [Cit. How likest thou this, wench? George. Heaven bless the knight [Exeunt. Wife. I cannot tell; I would have Ralph, George; I'll see no more else, indeed, la; and [Wife. Ay, marry, Ralph, this has some I pray you, let the youths understand so much savour in 't; I would see the proudest of them by word of mouth; for, I tell you truly, I'm all offer to carry his books after him. afraid o' my boy. Come, come, George, let's George, I will not have him go away so soon; But, be merry and wise: the child's a fatherless I shall be sick if he go away, that I shall: call child; and say they should put him into a Ralph again, George, call Ralph again; I strait pair of gaskins,31 'twere worse than knot-prithee, sweetheart, let him come fight before grass;32 he would never grow after it.] Enter Ralph, Tim, and George. [Cit. Here's Ralph, here's Ralph! Wife. How do you do, Ralph? you are welcome, Ralph, as I may say; it's a good boy, hold up thy head, and be not afraid; we are thy friends, Ralph; the gentlemen will praise thee, Ralph, if thou playest thy part with audacity. Begin, Ralph, a' God's name!] Ralph. My trusty squire, unlace my helm; give me my hat. Where are we, or what desert may this be? George. Mirror of knighthood, this is, as I take it, the perilous Waltham-down; in whose bottom stands the enchanted valley. Mist. Mer. Oh, Michael, we are betrayed, we are betrayed! here be giants! Fly, boy! fly, boy, fly! [Exit with Michael, leaving the casket. Ralph. Lace on my helm again. What noise is this? A gentle lady, flying the embrace Of some uncourteous knight! I will relieve her. mock battle, me, and let's ha' some drums and some trumpets, and let him kill all that comes near him, an34 thou lov'st me, George! Cit. Peace a little, bird: he shall kill them all, an they were twenty more on 'em than there are.] Ralph. Madam, if any service or devoir35 27 pitched battle (probably only a for the Spanish never fought the English Of a poor errant knight may right your wrongs, there) 28 dear boy 29 go hang 30 galore 31 breeches Command it; I am prest36 to give you succour; For to that holy end I bear my armour. Mist. Mer. Alas, sir, I am a poor gentlewoman, and I have lost my money in this forest. Ralph. Desert, you would say, lady; and not lost Stay, Ralph, let me speak with thee. How dost thou, Ralph? art thou not shrewdly hurt? the foul great lungies1 laid unmercifully on thee: there's some sugar-candy for thee. Proceed; thou shalt have another bout with him. Cit. If Ralph had him at the fencing-school, Whilst I have sword and lance. Dry up your if he did not make a puppy of him, and drive tears, Which ill befit the beauty of that face, Mist. Mer. Out, alas! I left a thousand pound, a thousand pound, e'en all the money had laid up for this youth, upon the sight of your mastership, you looked so grim, and, as I may say it, saving your presence, more like a giant than a mortal man. Ralph. I am as you are, lady; so are they; All mortal. But why weeps this gentle squire? Mist. Mer. Has he not cause to weep, do you think, when he hath lost his inheritance? Ralph. Young hope of valour, weep not; am here That will confound thy foe, and pay it dear I have but one horse, on which shall ride I This courteous squire: fortune will give us more Upon our next adventure. Fairly speed Beside us, squire and dwarf, to do us need! [Exeunt. [Cit. Did not I tell you, Nell, what your man would do? by the faith of my body, wench, for clean action and good delivery, they may all cast their caps at him. Wife. And so they may, i' faith; for I dare speak it boldly, the twelve companies37 of London cannot match him, timber for timber. Well, George, an he be not inveigled by some of these paltry players, I ha' much marvel: but, George, we ha' done our parts, if the boy have any grace to be thankful. Cit. Yes, I warrant thee, duckling.] him up and down the school, he should ne'er come in my shop more.] Mist. Mer. Truly, Master Knight of the Burning Pestle, I am weary. Mich. Indeed, la, mother, and I am very hungry. Ralph. Take comfort, gentle dame, and your fair squire; For in this desert there must needs be placed George. I would we had a mess of pottage and a pot of drink, squire, and were going to bed! Tim. Why, we are at Waltham-town's end, and that's the Bell-Inn. George. Take courage, valiant knight, dam- I have discovered, not a stone's cast off, The first, hight Chamberlino, who will see Where never footman stretched his buttered hams;3 The second, hight Tapstero, who will see And in the manger put them oats enough, [Wife. That same dwarf's a pretty boy, but the squire's a groutnol.5] Ralph. Knock at the gates, my squire, with stately lance. [Tim knocks at the door. Enter Tapster. Tap. Who's there?-You're welcome, gentlemen: will you see a room? George. Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle, this is the Squire Tap stero. Ralph. Fair Squire Tapstero, I a wandering knight, Hight of the Burning Pestle, in the quest I thought to knock, and now am bold to enter. Cit. What is it, Nell? Wife. Why, George, shall Ralph beat nobody again? prithee, sweetheart, let him. Cit. So he shall, Nell; and if I join with him, we'll knock them all.] ACT III, SCENE II. A Room in the Bell-Inn, Waltham. Enter Mistress Merrythought, Ralph, Michael, Tim, George, Host and Tapster. [Wife. Oh, Ralph! how dost thou, Ralph How hast thou slept to-night? has the knight used thee well? Cit. Peace, Nell; let Ralph alone.] order's sake Which thou hast ta'en, hang'st out the holy Bell, Pestle, give ear to me; there is twelve shillings to pay, and, as I am a true knight, I will not bate a penny. [Wife. George, I prithee, tell me, must Ralph pay twelve shillings now? Cit. No, Nell, no; nothing but the old knight is merry with Ralph. Wife. Oh, is't nothing else? Ralph will be as merry as he.] Ralph. Sir Knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well; But, to requite this liberal courtesy, Therefore, gentle knight, [Wife. Look, George! did not I tell thee as much the knight of the Bell is in earnest. Ralph shall not be beholding to him: give him his money, George, and let him go snick up.8 Cit. Cap Ralph! no.-Hold your hand, Sir Knight of the Bell; there's your money [gives money]: have you any thing to say to Ralph now? Cap Ralph! Wife. I would you should know it, Ralph has friends that will not suffer him to be capt for ten times so much, and ten times to the end of that.-Now take thy course, Ralph.] Mist. Mer. Come, Michael; thou and I will go home to thy father; he hath enough left to keep us a day or two, and we'll set our fellows abroad to cry our purse and our casket: shall we, Michael? Mich. Ay, I pray, mother; in truth my feet are full of chilblains with travelling. As I this flaming Pestle bear about, |