are up again as eagerly as before. Bending forward towards the Chair, the anxious eye lately fixed on Pa is now turned on the Speaker. Alack alack! they haven't been listening to speech, only watching for signs of its conclusion so that they may get the next chance of reading their own precious paper. As SARK says, this is not debate; it's manufacture. Small wonder House is empty whilst process is going forward. Business done.-Second reading of Education Bill carried by 355 against 150. Thursday.-J. W. LOWTHER (not to be confounded with the illustrious JEMMY) just now had his breath temporarily, but completely, taken away. J. W. is Chairman of Committees, and a very good one, too. Took to the Chair as a duck takes to water. Where his trouble commences is when he leaves it. When, being in the Chair, he opes his mouth, no dog dare bark, not even that sad dog, TOMMY BOWLES. Very different, as he learns, when he descends from the Throne. To-night, House discussing proposal to read second time London County Council Bill, authorising purchase of site for building new offices. The gentlemen of England who hate the County Council and all its works resolved to thwart the scheme. Made long angry speeches refusing second reading. J. W., rising from temporary quarters on Treasury Bench, not only supported second reading, but, in most severe Chairman-of-Committee manner, scolded £677,938 38. 3d.!! How IT WAS DONE! Oom Paul (over the banisters). "Now, my dear, is there anything more that you can think of before I send in the bill?" A Female Voice. "Well, dear, I saw some lovely sorks at 18. 74d. the pair-you want two pairs badly!" Members. No business, he said, to go talking round the Bill at large upon second reading stage. Place to discuss merits of Bill was in Committee room upstairs. Had J. W. chanced, as often happens at this early hour, to have arrayed himself in the evening dress Chairman wears even at A PARLIAMENTARY NELSON! We understand there is no foundation for the statement that, in order to ensure dignity and reverence of treatment, Admiral Field has undertaken to replace Mr. Forbes Robertson at the Avenue Theatre! Friday.-Long hours and a dull evening with Army Estimates illumined by single gleam. It flashed when WILFRID LAWSON and Dr. TANNER walked up floor shoulder to shoulder, co-tellers in a division. Chairman of Committees deftly compounded the mixture. "Only wants a bit of ice to make it quite complete," said SARK, wetting his lips, for, as hinted, the proceedings had been dry. 66 With brief intervals spent outside, TANNER has pervaded the place since House got into Committee. Knowing nothing of the matter," he said, at one point of discussion on Yecmanry vote; "I speak with Mr. diffidence-great diffidence, LOWTHER." Nevertheless, he spoke often; divided at every opportunity. Had taken one division on reduction of Yeomanry Vote, when WILFRID LAWSON, "going one step farther," as WALTER BARTTELOT used to say, moved rejection of whole vote. Chairman gave him several chances. "I think the Ayes have it." "The Noes have it," said wilful WILFRID. "The Ayes have it," repeated the Chairman, in warning voice. This was the last chance. Everyone saw what was coming, except LAWSON. who once more challenged Chairman's decision. Then the bolt fell. "Ayes to the right; Noes to the left. Tellers for the Ayes, Sir WILLIAM WALROND and Mr. ANSTRUTHER; tellers for the Noes, Sir WILFRID LAWSON and Dr. TANNER." House went out to division with uproarious glee. Business done. - Millions voted on account Army Estimates. MISUNDERSTOOD! (A Story of the Road and its Double Fares.) "And doubtless you have good reason for charging me a double fare?" queried the traveller. "You are indeed right," said he who was journeying, "and this two-pence is given with every feeling of satisfaction." "Sir, you touch me nearly. Never have I been treated with so much kindness. Believe me, these tears spring from a heart full almost to breaking with the warmest gratitude." "Indeed I have, Sir," was the ready response. "Our company opponents, on morning sittings when presiding over Com-festivals, take off their vehicles at an early mittee, he might have escaped. In morn- hour. It is only we-lowly and despiseding dress, a private Member like the rest keep to our running. Surely for this of us, bringing the tone and manner of boon we deserve some recompense?" Chairman of Committees into ordinary debate! It was too much. Temptation irresistible. Akin to case of arbitrary usher accidentally encountering lot of the boys in mid holiday. Time, Lear Christmas; scene, a lonely common a foot deep in snow. Could the boys be blamed if a storm of snowballs darkens the air, or even if a human figure, outwardly rever- "Nay, I did not mean to make you enced in term time, is rolled in the snow? weep, continued the traveller, wiping Something like this happened in case of away himself a furtive tear. You are esteemed Chairman of Committees. MAPLE civil and obliging, and if you are under BLUNDELL, putting down his head, butted no direct control, I and my fellow-passenhim (so to speak) in the stomach. COHEN gers are free from the unpleasant attenblocked his hat. DARLING, getting hold of tions of the inspector thirsting for tickets." his coat-tails, violently tugged them, con- "Ah, Sir, you are indeed a friend!" tumeliously shouting, "Yah! yah!" As exclaimed the emotional attendant; and for Cap'en TOMMY, he sailed round and I would ask you one favour more. round, dexterously dipping his main brace "It is granted before demanded." so as to souse the right honourable gentle- "A thousand thanks. I would merely man with water. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, prav of you, when you hear my vehicle dewho has not recently had opportunity of scribed in brutal language by a hardappearing in favourite character of Pro-hearted public, to utter a word in my tector of Ministers, gallantly ran in with defence." attempt to drive the boys off. Too late. The fun was over; a mere wreck of a Chairman of Committees limped off to the glad obscurity of his room. Business done.-Oом PAUL presents his small account. Item: to material damage, £677,938 3s. 3d. Ditto: to moral or intellectual damage, say a million. What a wag it is! 66 "Willingly. In future, when I have occasion to speak of you, I will call you the pleasing alternative to the Road Car and London General." Then came a shout of joy and a declaration that explained everything. "Ah, that will be far better than being known as the conductor of the pirate 'bus!" WITH A SMART PACK.' "Where thE DOOSE IS MY MAN WITH MY SECOND HAT?" OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. THE NEW Woman amongst novelists has really left nothing more to be done. One recently took Satan for her hero. OLIVE SCHREINER, in Trooper Peter Halket (FISHER UNWIN), has gone one better, sketching on her canvas the most sacred figure known to mankind. If the thing must be done it may be admitted that the difficult task has been accomplished with delicacy and force. It is a noble, majestically-human personage that appears to Peter Halket in the loneliness of the night on the veldt. The doubt that disturbs the mind of the reader is as to the object with which the book is written. My Baronite is not sure whether the work was undertaken because OLIVE SCHREINER hates Mr. CECIL RHODES the less, or because she loves the Kaffir more. Perfectness of art is not compatible with personal prejudice and exaggeration. Breach of this canon robs Peter Halket of full success. The black man is not so white as he is here painted, nor is the white man nearly so black. The cowardly murder of the trooper by his captain, which closes the story, is savage in its libellous reflection on Mrs. SCHREINER'S own countrymen. "It may frequently happen that an order may be given to an officer which, from circumstances not known to the person who gave it at the time he issued it, would be impossible to execute, or the difficulty or risk of the execution of it would be so great as to amount to moral impossibility." This passage from one of the Duke of WELLINGTON'S despatches was quoted in the forefront of a memorandum from Sir GEORGE TRYON issued to the squadron when he was in command of the Mediterranean station. The occasion was the disaster to the Howe. Among his own dicta Sir GEORGE laid down the rule that "risks that are not only justifiable but are demanded during war are not justifiable during peace." This from the author and director of the manoeuvre which, on the 22nd of June, 1893, led to the collision between the Camperdown and the Victoria, the sinking of the latter ship, and the wholesale loss of crew and officers, including Sir GEORGE TRYON, is, my Baronite says, one of the grimmest incidents in biography. In his Life of Sir George Tryon (BLACKWOOD), Admiral FITZGERALD surmises that the name of his hero is known to many of his countrymen only in connection with the great maritime disaster. That is inevitable, and the fact will remain till the name ceases to be spoken. In his simply told and fascinating story Admiral FITZGERALD succeeds in deepening the mystery that broods over the fatal order. He shews TRYON from his first appointment as a midshipman on the Wellesley devoting energy and supreme capacity to the mastery of his loved profession. VOL CIT He knew everything, and could do anything that became a sailor. It was, in truth, as Admiral FITZGERALD testifies, the blind trust confided in him by men and officers that led to the calamity. He ordered the squadron to manoeuvre on the basis of the columns being six cables apart. Every cabin-boy knew that such an arrangement must lead to collision. But everyone believed TRYON knew what he was about, that, somehow or other, the thing would come right. So orders were obeyed, and the Victoria was run down. It was magnificent, but it was not seamanship. (Signed) THE BARON. A PASSAGE IN A FLAT. (By a Stout Man.) You may doubtless think that I in this title must imply L In the very narrow passage found in almost any flat. All your rooms, my friend, are fine, fit for bulk yet more than mine, But the passage is not similar, you could not argue that. One must be absurdly thin to be comfortable in Any gangway so contracted as the passage in a flat. And in yours, by no means wide, you have hung on either side Some extremely charming drawings which I gaze at from the mat, Fearful lest I sweep them all to destruction from the wall, If I try to struggle past them in the passage of your flat. At Redrufus Castle. The Duchess of Stony Cross (to Mrs. MACSHODDY, who is returning a duty call). The Duke has actually consented to be Mayor of Crankborough in succession to poor Mr. SLITT. Mrs. MacShoddy. Well! that 'll be very nice for you! You're sure to be invited to the Mansion House in London during the season! THE PRESENT LAND OF GOSCHEN.-Crete. "THREE OF A TRADE." John Bull (the Enterprising Commercial, to Miss Abyssinia). "HERE, MISS, THIS IS THE LINE' FOR YOU,-I THINK THE GOODS ARE THE BEST IN THE MARKET!" THE ABYSSINIAN MAID. A VISION IN THE "MOUNTAINS OF RASSELAS." (Fragment a very long way after "Kubla Khan.") A DAMSEL with a traveller Bold of front and glib of jaw. Lowered from his big, broad back, At her feet he spread his pack, Musing, "Could I awake within her Desire, just make her look and long, To talk and trade with me could win her, I should chortle loud and long!" He had a bold and winning air: "This line's A1, these goods are nice!" But the two rivals standing there Said to the maid, "Beware! beware! Madam, take our joint advice, TURF INTELLIGENCE.A horse called Kenn has been supported for the Derby. Is some Scotsman in the know"? APPROPRIATE TITLE FOR THE KING OF THE HELLENES.-GEORGE the Indis-Cretan. DO WIV IT? ALLAND 9. THE FERULE OF FAME. (A Cue for the Champion Cueist.) [When ROBERTS (in his match with PEALL) completed his great break of 604, Mr. BALFOUR, who was watching the game intently, applauded loudly with the ferule of his umbrella.] ANCIENT champions, greatest, truest, Found immortal bards to sing 'em ; But our mighty champion cueist Wins praise from-PRINCE gingham! ROBERTS, long be it ere you, Magni nominis umbra, stand! Break, break, break, till all is blue, Keen of sight and true of hand! Cynics swear a champion's name ARTHUR'S Is all leather and prunella. Safe from fading is your fame, Shaded by BALFOUR's umbrella; Though, if top place you'd not lose You must mind your P(EALL)s and Cues! At the Pink Dragon, Bloomsbury. William Jawkins. I see that the County Council are going to issue bills at short date. The MacTavish (feelingly). Guid mon alive! did ye iver ken the catamarans not sae to dee? THE RESULT OF AN IMPRUDENT MARRIAGE (by our own Matrimonial Adviser). County Court-ship. Tommy. WHY, STICK IT UP ON THE ABSIT OMEN!-The Archduke RAINER of EMBANKMENT, LIKE THEY 'AVE CLEOPARTY's Austria has gone to Cannes for a stay of NEEDLE." several weeks. THIL MAY 97. SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS. No. XI. THE WOTHERSPOONS. A STORY IN SCENES. II. SCENE The Terrace of the Spa at Scarborough. It is a fine morning towards the end of September. The Terrace is not crowded, and most of those present are leaning over the parapet, listening to the troupes of Niggers and Pierrots performing on the sands below. Miss HENRIETTA WOTHERSPOON and FRITZ VON GUBLER are walking up and down together, apart from the rest. She is about forty-five, with hair that is beginning to turn grey, ordinary features, and an ingenuously amiable expression. He is thirty, with fair hair, cut brush-wise, small uptwisted moustache, and a stolid pink and white countenance. Miss Wotherspoon. The last day at dear old Scarborough! It has been such a happy time. I wish it could go on for ever! Don't you? Von Gubler. For ever? Imbossible. The season is quide over alretty. But I'm afraid Miss W. I shouldn't mind that so long as you think that 's silly and sentimental of me! Von G. (with indulgence). I also can be sendimendal somdimes -when there is a moon, and a pand blaying. Miss W. There was a moon that evening when you asked me -do you remember on the balcony ? Von G. On the balgony, yes. And onderneat in the road a pand blayed. I remember when you bromise to be my wife, I was so mat with choy I gif the drombone half-a-grown! Miss W. It came as such an utter surprise to me. I could hardly believe you meant it. Von. G. I did not. In the dark I dake it as a vlorin. But no madder. Miss W. I-I mean, I thought you would have cared for somebody who was nearer your own age. It seems so wonderful you should have chosen me, with so many pretty, attractive girls at Marina House. Von G. I do not gare for them. At the Marina House they are too flirdatious, and they are not real laties. Pesides, when they are yong and bretty, they exbect too much addention. I brefer somebody who is quiet, and mittle-aged, vedder she haf a liddle money or not makes nodings. Since my onkel is det, I haf blenty. But a real, highborn Englisch laty-that is the brincipal thing. Miss W. As to that, I can only tell you my dear father was a sugar-broker. Von G. A sugar-proker! (With slight uneasiness.) Dell me -that is not the same as a gonvectioner? Miss W. Indeed, it isn't. It's not a trade at all. It's quite a nice business to be in-almost a profession. They don't touch the sugar themselves, only deal with it somehow-like stocks. My brother is in it now-but he doesn't do very much, except when his partner is away. Von G. (relieved). I am glatt it is no worse as that. In my gountry of Schvitzerland they are demogradigal, but my family, the Von GUBLERS, com originally from Owstria, where they were oal parons. And you onderstand, for my familie's sake I gould not marry a wife whose gonnections were common beoples. Miss W. I am glad to say that we have scarcely any connections certainly none that you need be in the least ashamed of. Von G. I pelief it well. Sugar-proking is no doubt quide chendeel, though I do not regollect to haf met any sugar-proker at the daple of my friend Lord GOLESHAFTS. You know him, yes? Miss W. I can't say I do. Is Lord COLESHAFTS a great friend of yours? Von G. At von dime, yes. We were gonstantly togetter. I haf shtayed with him, dravelled with him-and so forth. Ladely I lose side of him altogetter. Is that not the way with your so broud and shtiff English lorts ? Miss W. I know so little about them. We are very quiet people, SPENCER and I. Von G. So? And who is SBENCER? Miss W. SPENCER is my brother. And oh, FRITZ, he doesn't know anything about it yet! Von G. (staring). Not know that he is your broder? Miss W. No, no. Of our engagement. I really haven't had courage to write. I'm afraid it will be a dreadful blow to him. You see, he has lived with me in the same house all these years. Von G. Oal the more reason he find a house for himself. Miss W. But it's his house just as much as mine. More, because he has always paid the rates and taxes. Von G. Ach, the goot SBENCER. Nefer shall he be durned from our doors, mine HENRIETTE. Alvays shall there be a goot varm gorner for SBENCER! Miss W. Dear FRITZ, I knew you had a tender heart, though you do try to hide it under Yes, SPENCER must live with us. I know you will be fond of him. He is so kind, and simple, and sincere you can depend upon him so absolutely. Von G. Apsoludely, no-begause I haf myself a liddle. But he may gontinue to bay the rades and daxes. Miss W. He would be simply miserable if he had to live all by himself now. He's some years older than I am. Von G. So old as that? Quide too old to marry, then! Miss W. To marry? I can't imagine SPENCER ever doing that now. He's a little difficult to please, and besides, he has always said he was much too comfortable with me to run the risk of a change. I do hope he won't mind much. It will have to be broken to him very gently. Von G. I will do it very chendly. To-morrow I walk in with you, arm-in-arm-so; I dig him chogosely-but bolitely in the shtomag, and say, Goot efening, broder-in-law !" Then he gombrehend. Miss W. No, please, FRITZ! You mustn't come to the house with me-not to-morrow, not the very first evening! You must leave me at King's Cross, and stay at a hotel. You won't mind? Von G. Nod at all. Miss W. You see, I must have a little time to-to prepare SPENCER. I know it will be dreadfully dull for you, dear. Von G. On the gondrary. I dine at a resdaurant and drob into a musig-hall afder. Miss W. It is sweet of you to be so good-humoured about it, when But after all, it's only for one night-and the next you will come to dinner, of course, and make SPENCER's acquaintance. I'm sure he will be perfectly charmed with you when he really gets to know you, and we shall be quite happy and cosy together. Von G. If SBENCER is gosy to me, I will be gosy to him. (He consults his watch.) Ach! we vaste so much dime dalking we are lade for dapled'hode lonch. Led us go. Miss W. Don't let's go to Marina House, FRITZ. Couldn't we lunch out somewhere? It's our last day! Von G. It is much pedder we lonch at the Marina House. We gif no nodice we will not be there. Miss W. I see. And you think it might hurt poor Mrs. HACKNESS's feelings if we stay away? You are always so considerate, dear FRITZ! Von G. Gonsiderate, yes. She put the lonch down in the pills vezzer we ead it or nod. Also at the Marina House, they gif you a very goot poddle of Bilsener. No, we will not lonch anyvere else-it is a vasde of money. |