CHAPTER XIII.

RETURN TO BUSINESS.

It was a happy thing for Mrs. Cooke, that she had now little time for brooding over her sorrows: only a few words of passionate grief and affection, entered here and there on the pages of her diary, show how deep were the wounds which her spirit had received. Her son's loss was even greater than her own; and his three motherless children, the eldest still an infant, made a powerful appeal to her compassion. She therefore left her beloved retirement to take charge once more of the household of her son.

On the 15th of the following June she lost her brother John. This visitation affected her with a more tranquil and mitigated sorrow; for his life had been one of almost constant trial; and of the anxieties which had often agitated his sister, he had been the object of not a few: she rejoiced therefore at the thought that her dear brother had at length surmounted all his troubles, and that "the weary was at rest." The following entry records this event in her diary :

"15th. June, my greatly beloved brother, John Cubitt, died. Much as I loved him, I could not but rejoice with my grief that he was delivered from all his afflictions and trials, and had got safe to his dear Saviour."

January 13th, 1850, her eldest son was chosen to the deacon's office, which his father had held in the same church for many years. It was no small gratification to his mother, that his deportment as a professor of religion had been such as to induce the church to select him for this office; and that he himself took such an interest in the cause of Christ as to be willing to undertake its responsibilities. Her fondest wish for all her children was that they should be entirely devoted to the Lord.

We have had frequent occasion to observe the attachment of Mrs. Cooke to the Lord's day, and the steadiness with which she sought to apply its teachings to her spiritual profit. In this respect she differed from many who profess great spirituality of mind, but estimate the value of the sermons they hear, solely according to the comfort afforded by them. Her views on this subject are exhibited in an entry made in June, 1850. The same memorandum exhibits her cordial respect for her pastor. This always distinguished her, whoever sustained that relation. Mr. Beard and Mr. Clark of Worstead, were both highly esteemed by her; she frequently also expresses the pleasure and edification she derived from the ministry of Mr. Pickers; and his successor in office inherited the same regard. Indeed, while she esteemed the ministers of Christ in general very highly in love for their work's sake, and felt it a privilege and an honour

to entertain them, she was not accustomed to desire novelty. On the contrary, she gave her own minister the uppermost place in her esteem, and was habitually careful not to wound his feelings by any appearance of preference for others. The entry referred to is as follows:

"The blessed Lord's day; oh how I ought to prize it! Mr. Diboll, of Salehouse, (now missionary in Fernando Po, West Africa,) preached three times. I heard him best in the afternoon, from 'I will bear the indignation of the Lord.' He is a plain preacher, rather high in doctrine, but I think a useful man to the plain and untaught. I feel a great respect for him; but my dear pastor has been so useful to my soul, in keeping me awake, and stirring me to duty, that I seldom hear a stranger well."

At the beginning of January, 1850, she writes:

"This is a gloomy week, as it reminds us of dear Emma's death and funeral.

"17th, darling Mary Venimore died on this day of the month last year; but we joy in our grief.

"February 3rd. Heard an excellent sermon from Hebrews xii, 1: 'Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,' &c. Through mercy I enjoyed it much, and was lifted up above my earthly sorrows.

"March 3rd. Felt very poorly, as I have done some time. O that I may be much weaned from earth by the trials I meet with here.

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May 9th. I do not feel so well as I did. O that my trials may bring me nearer to the blessed Jesus. "11th. Dear Mrs. V called. I have often

enjoyed her prayers, but never more than to-day. I have been reading the Life of Mrs. Boardman Judson, which she lent me; felt it a great privilege to have it.

"21st. The Annual Meeting of the Association at Aylsham, I had the mercy to go; Miss Wells kindly took me there. I got through the journey wonderfully, and much enjoyed the meetings."

A severe affliction attacked her July 9th, and her family were summoned in expectation of her death, which was hourly looked for. She was often but partially aware of what was passing around her, until the 14th, when the fever began to subside. During this period she had not her usual clearness and confidence, yet she felt that Christ was her sole hope; and she trusted that all was right. She says:

"The medicine affected my head much, but through mercy I was kept calm and serene; and the doctor attributes my recovery in a great degree to this, and my temperance habits. My affliction has brought me very low in body and nerve; but I wish to hope that I shall 'recover strength before I go hence, to be no more seen.'

This "wish to hope" for restoration shews the bias of her inclinations. Independently of the interests of those she loved, she had "a desire to depart, and to be with Christ;" and it was not without an effort that she could bring herself to be willing to return from the gates of blessedness, to the agitations and sufferings of this world.

January 5th, 1852, she had another attack of illness, short but sharp. Her medical attendant thought it not unlikely she would die suddenly. On learning this she

wrote:

"May I be more heavenly-minded, so that I may be in a suitable state to die in. Through mercy I was very happy when at the worst; and trusted my Saviour would not cast me off, but save me with an everlasting salvation."

On February 24th her youngest son, with whom she had been living during his widowhood, entered a second time into the married state. This was a welcome and necessary release from cares to which she was not equal; and she returned thankfully to her own house, after an absence of more than three years.