Son. A QUACK, with a supercilious brow, ebony , and band in querpo, whose learning cond much in superscriptions of apothecaries -pots, and in names of diseases learn'd from ly bills of mortality, stiled himself student in logy and physic, talk'd much of Panaceasrums-Catholicons-and told us;

hat he was the seventh son, of a seventh son, that by his long study and practice, he had ver'd chalk to be an alcali, vinegar an acid, wine an hypnotic.

250.

251.

252.

253.

254.

That serpents are dainties to peacocks-Hemlock is a perfect cordial to goats-Hellebore a choice morsel to quails-Spiders a restorative to monkeys-Toads an antidote to ducks-and the excrements of man pure ambergreese to swine.

That of all odours he liked the smell of urine best; and was so far like Vespatian, he held no gain unsavoury.

That he was master of the terms of chymistry, or the Hermetical or Paracelsian art; for instance, said he, Ignis sapientum is horse-dung.-Mater metallorum, quicksilver ;-Diab, gold;-Carbones cæli, the stars ;-Alcinibar, the moon ;-and Anontagius, the philosophers stone.

That he understood some Greek, for-Ephydrosis, is sweating;-Phlebotomia, opening a vein; -and Enterenchyta, a clyster-pipe.

That he was skill'd in-Physiognomy-Metoposcopy-Chiromancy-and well vers'd in all the -je ne scay quoys and plastic-and occult qualities. 255. That he knew the composition of a continuum— the unde, or original, of all qualities; and was able to speak de omni ente, & non ente, and of them too, pro and con.

256. That by erecting astrological schemes he cou'd resolve all questions in physic.

257.

"And make his patients stars confess,

Like fools, or children, what he please." 258. Nay, that by sigils, charms, and talismans, he cou'd cure distempers even at nine miles distance.

259.

For a farther account of his abilities, he referr'd us to the publick advertisements, where we might find his vivifying drops for imbecility in men.His essentia vita, a rich cordial for the ladies.— And his purging sugar-plumbs for children. 260. Father. Tom. Brown, in his amusements, tells us, indeed, of transfusing the blood of an ass into an astrological quack.

261. A gentleman having a salt humour in his nose, consulted a Quack, who told him, that his distemper was very dangerous. Being ask'd what distemper he took it to be? Quack answer'd, that it was a rank fistula in ano.

262.

Such blockheads, with their formidable bombast, are the oracles of those that want sense, and plague of them that have it.

263. Paracelsus boasted he could make other men immortal, yet died himself at forty seven.

264. When all bodies have the same constitutions, all constitutions the same alterations, all alterations the same times, quacks may pretend to cure all distempers. But,

265.

266.

267.

Admit a mountebank had a remedy for the distemper you labour under, being unacquainted with your habit of body, and no judge of your constitution, he may put you in a way for a present cure, and overthrow your health in some other kind, and so cure the disease, and kill the patient.

Labour to prevent diseases by temperance, sobriety, and exercise; but if sickness comes, ne'er go to empirics for physic.

To take their prescriptions is next to wilful murder. The most sovereign remedy they can afford a patient is their absence.

But proceed;

268. Son. A RAKE that never opened his mouth but to affront christianity, civil society, decency, or good manners, after punishing our ears with the filthy history of his debauchery and excess, still laughing whilst he repeated his sins, as if extreamly tickled at the remembrance of 'em, began to inveigh against marriage, and told us,

269. That Esop's frogs were extreme wise; they had a great mind to some water, yet wou'dn't leap into the well, because they cou'dn't get out again.

270. That under the girdle love ebb'd and flow'd