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248. Son. A QUACK, with a supercilious brow, ebony

cane, and band in querpo, whose learning consisted much in superscriptions of apothecaries gally-pots, and in names of diseases learn'd from weekly bills of mortality, stiled himself student in astrology and physic, talk'd much of Panaceas-

Nostrums—Catholicons—and told us ; 249. That he was the seventh son, of a seventh son,

and that by his long study and practice, he had discover'd chalk to be an alcali, vinegar an acid, and wine an hypnotic.

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best ;

250. That serpents are dainties to peacocks—Hem

lock is a perfect cordial to goats—Hellebore a choice morsel to quails—Spiders a restorative to monkeys—Toads an antidote to ducks—and the

excrements of man pure ambergreese to swine. 251.

That of all odours he liked the smell of urine

and was so far like Vespatian, he held no gain unsavoury. 252. That he was master of the terms of chymistry,

or the Hermetical or Paracelsian art ; for instance, said he, Ignis sapientum is horse-dung.-Mater metallorum, quicksilver ;-Diab, gold ;-Carbones cæli, the stars ;-— Alcinibar, the moon;—and Anon

tagius, the philosophers stone. 253. That he understood some Greek, for- Ephy

drosis, is sweating ;-Phlebotomia, opening a vein;

-and Enterenchyta, a clyster-pipe. 254. That he was skill'd in-Physiognomy_Meto

poscopy-Chiromancy—and well vers'd in all the

-je ne scay quoys and plastic—and occult qualities. 255 That he knew the composition of a continuum

the unde, or original, of all qualities; and was able to speak de omni ente, & non ente, and of them too,

pro and con. 256. That by erecting astrological schemes he cou'd

resolve all questions in physic.


And make his patients stars confess,

Like fools, or children, what he please.258. Nay, that by sigils, charms, and talismans, he

cou'd cure distempers even at nine miles distance. 259. For a farther account of his abilities, he referr'd

us to the publick advertisements, where we might find his vivifying drops for imbecility in men.His essentia vitæ, a rich cordial for the ladies.

And his purging sugar-plumbs for children. 260. Father. Tom. Brown, in his amusements, tells

us, indeed, of transfusing the blood of an ass into

an astrological quack. 261. A gentleman having a salt humour in his nose,

consulted a Quack, who told him, that his distemper was very dangerous. Being ask'd what distemper he took it to be? Quack answer'd, that

it was a rank fistula in ano. 262. Such blockheads, with their formidable bombast,

are the oracles of those that want sense, and

plague of them that have it. 263. Paracelsus boasted he could make other men

immortal, yet died himself at forty seven. 264. When all bodies have the same constitutions,

all constitutions the same alterations, all alterations the same times, quacks may pretend to cure all distempers. But,

265. Admit a mountebank had a remedy for the dis

temper you labour under, being unacquainted with your habit of body, and no judge of your constitution, he may put you in a way for a present cure, and overthrow your health in some other kind, and

so cure the disease, and kill the patient. 266. Labour to prevent diseases by temperance, so

briety, and exercise; but if sickness comes, ne'er

go to empirics for physic. 267. To take their prescriptions is next to wilful

murder. The most sovereign remedy they can afford a patient is their absence.

But proceed;

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268. Son. A Rake that never opened his mouth

but to affront christianity, civil society, decency, or good manners, after punishing our ears with the filthy history of his debauchery and excess, still laughing whilst he repeated his sins, as if extreamly tickled at the remembrance of 'em, began to in

veigh against marriage, and told us, 269. That Æsop's frogs were extreme wise ; they

had a great mind to some water, yet wou’dn't leap into the well, because they cou'dn't get out

again. 270. That under the girdle love ebb’d and flow'd

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