longed visits, rides, drives, operas, theatres, and all which go to make up the business of gay life, and some portion of which enters into all life, even the humblest, since the very poorest among us have their gatherings, and enjoy their pleasures—whatever enjoyment we have from this association, and from our daily existence, so far as others are concerned, is possible only through our obedience to the laws of that etiquette which governs the whole machinery, and keeps every cog and wheel in place, and at its own work, which prevents jostling, and carries all things along comfortably to their consummation. Instead then of regarding the understanding of these laws as a trivial thing, we should rather look to see if the observance of them will not lead the way to a still higher level of life and manners; for we may rest assured that a fine etiquette, treating every individual, as it does, on the plane of sovereignty, never forgetting his rights and dignities, giving him his own place, and keeping others out of it, making it easy by custom of the multitude to render unto Cæsar, regarding always, as it will be found to do, the sensitiveness of the most sensitive, destroying the agony of bashfulness, controlling the insolence of audacity, repressing the rapacity of selfishness, and maintaining the authority of the legitimate, has something to do with morality, and is an expression of the best that civilization has yet done. This is what a writer in "Harper's Bazar" has most ably said, in a paper that appeared in its columns last winter.

Not alone in America is this subject now being agitated, for since the days of the "Spectator," never has there been a time when the most distinguished writers of the day have so turned their attention to the importance of good manners, involving the observance of social laws. Everything that pertains to good breeding and to mental and moral culture, ought to be of interest to all who instruct the young, whether parents or teachers. Emerson says a circle of men, perfectly wellbred, would be a company of sensible persons, in which every man's native manner and character appeared. This assertion implies that mere training will not of itself alone make the manners good, that they are rather the kindly fruit of refined natures and of culture in past generations. But, even admitting this, do not coarse natures, and such as do not possess high transmitted qualities, need all the more that training, without which they would turn society into a Bedlam, and make life unendurable to refined minds

and sensitive organizations? Ruskin says a gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness of structure in the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate sympathies. One may say, simply, fineness of nature. And yet, as has already been said, such natures even are not endowed at birth with a knowledge of the forms which have been created for the purpose of taking away the disagreeabilities which result from people of opposite character and training meeting in social life. Calvert says ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by culture. Here we have the two requisites for the highest breeding-transmitted qualities and the culture of good training. "Of the higher type of ladyhood,” continues Calvert, "may always be said what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth Hastings, 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the attendance of the graces in all her actions.' At its highest, ladyhood implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the refined are perfected; all spelled unawares by the charm of the flexible dignity, the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her look, speech, and demeanor. A sway is this, purely spiritual. Every sway, every legitimate, every enduring sway is spiritual; a regnancy of light over obscurity, of right over brutality. The only real gains we ever make are spiritual gains a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal, of body to soul, of the animal to the human. The finest, the most characteristic acts of a lady, involve a spiritual ascension, a growing out of herself. In her being and bearing, patience, generosity, benignity, are the graces that give shape to the virtues of truthfulness."

Here we have the test of true ladyhood. Were tomes upon tomes written upon the subject, what more, what better could be said? Let the young remember that whenever they find themselves in the company of those who do not make them feel at ease, they are in the society of pretenders, and not in the company of true gentlewomen and true gentlemen. As in literature, talent alone can never make a good critic, inasmuch as genius is

needed to sympathize with genius, so wellbred men and women can only feel at home in the society of the wellbred. In anything less they are aliens and strangers.

Has it ever occurred to any one to picture what society might be, if all who moved in it were gentlemen and gentlewomen— what the earth might be made, if all its inhabitants were kindhearted—if, instead of contending with the faults of our fellows, we were each to wage war against our own faults? There is no one living who does not need to watch constantly against the evil from within, as well as from without, for, as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his own heart." The lessons of life are never learned until life is ended; the victory over self is never gained until the mortal becomes immortal. This is why Life is called a school, and Sin and Sorrow its teachers. It is a great work, that of self-improvement, self-culture.

The

Miss Shirreff, writing of the higher education of women, says: "So long as essentials are never lost sight of, let us add as many more graces of high culture as time, or means, or occasion may permit." It is with these graces of high culture that we now have to deal in the following pages; which pages, like those that precede them, are but little more than a compilation from the various authors whose names will be found at the close of this work. Ruskin tells us, "All men who have sense and feeling are being continually helped; they are taught by every person whom they meet, and enriched by everything that falls in their way. greatest is he who has been oftenest aided; and if the attainments of all human minds could be traced to their real sources, it would be found that the world had been laid most under contribution by the men of most original power, and that every day of their existence deepened their debt to their race, while it enlarged their gifts to it. The labor devoted to trace the origin of any thought, or any invention, will usually issue in the blank conclusion that there is nothing new under the sun; yet nothing that is truly great can ever be altogether borrowed; and he is commonly the wisest, and is always the happiest, who receives simply, and without envious question, whatever good is offered him, with thanks to its immediate giver.”

NEWPORT.

SENSIBLE ETIQUETTE

OF THE BEST SOCIETY,

CUSTOMS, MANNERS AND MORALS, AND HOME CULTURE.

CHAPTER I.

LETTERS-NOTES-INVITATIONS-ACCEPTANCES-REGRETS

OPERA-BOXES-EXCEPTIONS TO GENERAL RULES-SOCI-
ETY-SOLITUDE-CHARACTER.

"No talent among men hath more scholars and fewer masters."

"In everything that is done, no matter how trivial, there is a right and a wrong way of doing it. The writing of a note or letter, the wording of a regret, the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation, the manner of a salutation, the neglect of a required attention, all betray to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good breeding."-From the French of Muller.

RESPECT for one's self, as well as respect for others, requires that no letter should ever be carelessly written, much less a note. Blots of ink, erasures, and stains on the paper are equally inadmissible. The handwriting should be divested of all flourishes, the rules of punctuation should be strictly regarded, and no capital letters used where they are not required. Any abbreviations of name, rank, or title are considered rude beyond those sanctioned by custom, nor should any abbreviations of words be indulged