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EPISTLE TO DR. ARBUTHNOT,
THE PROLOGUE TO THE SATIR ES.
ADVERTISEMENT To the first Publication of this Epistle. l'his paper is a sort of bill of complaint, begun many years since, and drawn up by snatches, as the several occasions offered. I had no thoughts of publishing it, till it pleased some persons of rank and fortune, (the authors of Verses to the imitator of Horace, and of an Epistle to a Doctor of Divinity from a Nobleman at Hampton Court) to attack, in a very extraordinary manner, not only my writings (of which, being public, the public is judge) but my person, morals, and family; whereof, to those who know me not, a truer informa. tion may be requisite. Being divided between the necessity to say something of myself, and my own lazi. ness to undertake so awkward a task, I thought it the shortest way to put the last hand to this Epistle. If it have any thing pleasing, it will be that by which I am most desirous to please, the truth and the sentiment; and if any thing offensive, it will be only to those I am
least sorry to offend, the vicious or the ungenerous. Many will know their own pictures in it, there being
not a circumstance but what is true; but I have, for the most part, spared their names; and they may escape being laughed at, if they please.
I would have some of them to know, it was owing to the
request of the learned and candid friend to whom it is inscribed, that I make not as free use of theirs as they have done of mine. However, I shall have this advan. tage and honour on my side, that whereas, by their proceeding, any abuse may be directed at any man, no injury can possibly be done by mine; since a nameless character can never be found out but by its truth and likeness.
P. 'Shut, shut the door, good John,' fatigued, I
What walls can guard me, or what shades can hide ?
Is there a parson, much bemused in beer,
Friend to my life! (which did not you prolong, The world had wanted many an idle song)
What drop or nostrum can this plague remove ?
Nine years !' cries he, who, high in Drury-lane,
Three things another's modest wishes bound, My friendship, and a prologue, and ten pound.
Pitholeon sends to me; 'You know his grace ; I want a patron ; ask him for a place.' Pitholeon libell'd me—but here's a letter Informs you, sir, 'twas when he knew no better. Dare you refuse him Curll invites to dine ? He'll write a journal, or he'll turn divine.'
Bless me! a packet.—"'Tis a stranger sues :
Not, sir, if you revise it, and retouch.'
Glad of a quarrel, straight I clap the door,
when Midas' ears began to spring, (Midas, a sacred person and a king,) His very minister, who spied them first, (Some say his queen,) was forced to speak, oi
burst. And is not mine, my friend, a sorer case, When every coxcomb perks them in my face? A. Good friend, forbear! you deal in dangerous
things, I'd never name queens, ministers, or kings; Keep close to ears, and those let asses prick, 'Tis nothing-P. Nothing ? if they bite and kick ? Out with it, Dunciad! let the secret pass, That secret to each fool, that he's an ass : The truth once told (and wherefore should we lie ?) The queen of Midas slept, and so may 1.
You think this cruel : take it for a rule, No creature smarts so little as a fool. Let peals of laughter, Codrus ! round thee break, Thou unconcern'd canst hear the mighty crack: Pit, box, and gallery, in convulsions hurl'd, Thou stand'st unshook amidst a bursting world. Who shames a scribbler ? Break one cobweb through He spins the slight, self-pleasing thread anew : Destroy his fib or sophistry, in vain, The creature's at his dirty work again, Throned on the centre of his thin designs, Proud of a vast extent of flimsy lines : Whom have I hurt ? has poet yet, or peer, Lost the arch d eyebrow, or Parnassian sneer? And has not Colly still his lord and whore ? His butchers Henly? his free-masons Moore ? Does not one table Bavius still admit? Still to one bishop Phillips seem a wit ? Still Sappho-A. Hold; for God's sake-you'll offend No names-he calm-learn prudence of a friend :