Till I cry'd out: 'You prove yourself so able,
Pity! you was not Druggerman1 at Babel;
'For had they found a linguist half so good,
'I make no question but the Tow'r had stood.'
"Obliging Sir! for Courts you sure were made:
"Why then for ever bury'd in the shade?

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"The King would smile on you-at least the Queen."

'Spirits like you, should see and should be seen,

'Ah gentle Sir! you Courtiers so cajole us

'But Tully has it, Nunquam minus solus 2:

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And as for Courts, forgive me, if I say

'No lessons now are taught the Spartan way:
'Tho' in his pictures Lust be full display'd,
'Few are the Converts Aretine3 has made;
And tho' the Court show Vice exceeding clear,
'None should, by my advice, learn Virtue there.'
At this entranc'd, he lifts his hands and eyes,
Squeaks like a high-stretch'd lutestring, and replies:
"Oh 'tis the sweetest of all earthly things
"To gaze on Princes, and to talk of Kings!"
Then, happy Man who shows the Tombs!' said I,
'He dwells amidst the royal Family;
'He ev'ry day, from King to King can walk,
'Of all our Harries, all our Edwards talk1,

And get by speaking truth of monarchs dead,
'What few can of the living, Ease and Bread.'
"Lord, Sir, a mere Mechanic! strangely low,
"And coarse of phrase,-your English all are so.
"How elegant your Frenchmen?" Mine, d'ye mean?
'I have but one, I hope the fellow's clean.'
"Oh! Sir, politely so! nay, let me die,
"Your only wearing is your Padua-soy."
'Not, Sir, my only, I have better still,
'And this you see is but my dishabille-'
Wild to get loose, his Patience I provoke,
Mistake, confound, object at all he spoke.
But as coarse iron, sharpen'd, mangles more,
And itch most hurts when anger'd to a sore;
So when you plague a fool, 'tis still the curse,
You only make the matter worse and worse.

He past it o'er; affects an easy smile
At all my peevishness, and turns his style.

He asks, "What News?" I tell him of new Plays,
New Eunuchs, Harlequins, and Operas.
He hears, and as a Still with simples in it
Between each drop it gives, stays half a minute,
Loth to enrich me with too quick replies,
By little and by little, drops his lies.

[Dragoman, i.e. interpreter.]

2 [Cicero (de Officiis, 1. III. c. 1) quotes from Cato major the saying of Scipio Africanus m.: 'that he was never less at leisure, than when at leisure; and never less alone, than when alone."]

3 Alluding to the infamous sonnets which this [Florentine author of the age of Leo X.] composed to accompany some designs of Giulio Romano. Warton.

4 ['The way to it is King Street.' Donne.]

Mere household trash! of birth-nights, balls, and shows,
More than ten Holinsheds, or Halls, or Stowes1.
When the Queen frown'd, or smil'd, he knows; and what

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A subtle Minister may make of that;

Who sins with whom: who got his Pension rug2,

Or quicken'd a Reversion by a drug;

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Whose place is quarter'd out, three parts in four,

And whether to a Bishop, or a Whore;

As one of Woodward's patients, sick, and sore,

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I puke, I nauseate, yet he thrusts in more:
Trims Europe's balance, tops the statesman's part5,
And talks Gazettes and Post-boys o'er by heart.
Like a big wife at sight of loathsome meat
Ready to cast, I yawn, I sigh, and sweat.
Then as a licens'd spy, whom nothing can
Silence or hurt, he libels the great Man;
Swears ev'ry place entail'd for years to come,
In sure succession to the day of doom;
He names the price for ev'ry office paid,
And says our wars thrive ill, because delay'd;
Nay hints, 'tis by connivance of the Court,
That Spain robs on, and Dunkirk's still a Port.
Not more amazement seiz'd on Circe's guests,
To see themselves fall endlong into beasts,
Than mine, to find a subject staid and wise
Already half turn'd traitor by surprise.
I felt th' infection slide from him to me,
As in the pox, some give it to get free;
And quick to swallow me, methought I saw
One of our Giant Statutes ope its jaw.

In that nice moment, as another Lie
Stood just a-tilt, the Minister came by.

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To him he flies, and bows, and bows again,
Then, close as Umbra1, joins the dirty train.
Not Fannius'2 self more impudently near,
When half his nose is in his Prince's ear.
I quak'd at heart; and still afraid, to see
All the Court fill'd with stranger things than he,
Ran out as fast, as one that pays his bail
And dreads more actions, hurries from a jail.

Bear me, some God! oh quickly bear me hence
To wholesome Solitude, the nurse of sense:
Where Contemplation prunes her ruffled wings3,
And the free soul looks down to pity Kings!
There sober thought pursu'd th' amusing theme,
Till Fancy colour'd it, and form'd a Dream.
A Vision hermits can to Hell transport,

And forc'd ev'n me to see the damn'd at Court.
Not Dante dreaming all th' infernal state,
Beheld such scenes of envy, sin, and hate.
Base Fear becomes the guilty, not the free;
Suits Tyrants, Plunderers, but suits not me:
Shall I, the Terror of this sinful town,
Care, if a liv'ry'd Lord or smile or frown?
Who cannot flatter, and detest who can,
Tremble before a noble Serving-man?

O my fair mistress, Truth! shall I quit thee
For huffing, braggart, puff'd Nobility?

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Thou, who since yesterday hast roll'd o'er all
The busy, idle blockheads of the ball,
Hast thou, oh Sun! beheld an emptier fort,
Than such as swell this bladder of a court?
Now pox on those who show a Court in wax!
It ought to bring all courtiers on their backs:
Such painted puppets! such a varnish'd race
Of hollow gew-gaws, only dress and face!
Such waxen noses, stately staring things-

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No wonder some folks bow, and think them Kings.

See! where the British youth, engag'd no more

At Fig's, at White's, with felons5, or a whore,

Pay their last duty to the Court, and come

All fresh and fragrant, to the drawing room;

In hues as gay, and odours as divine,

As the fair fields they sold to look so fine.
"That's velvet for a King!" the flatt'rer swears;

'Tis true, for ten days hence 'twill be King Lear's.

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alludes to] a show of the Italian Gardens in Waxwork, in the time of King James I. P.

5 At Fig's, at White's, with felons,] White's was a noted gaming-house: Fig's, a Prize-fighter's Academy, where the young Nobility receiv'd instruction in those days. It was also customary for the nobility and gentry to visit the condemned criminals in Newgate. P.